stress - cafe mocha reflections

Do Women Have Control Issues?

April 9, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it, I have a control problem. It may be mixed with a little OCD, but it’s mostly control. I’m working on it more and more because having to be in control of everything puts so much unnecessary pressure on us as women. We have enough to do, husband, children, work/career and about 1,000 other things. What made all of this come to mind, I was watching one of those wedding dress shows, you know where mom is watching as the daughter tries on about 3-4 different dresses and mom, family or friend doesn’t like any of them. One particular show I was watching and the mother was so determined to have her daughter wear what she wanted instead of allowing the bride to be pick her own wedding dress. The woman was just about in tears because she didn’t like the dress mom was insisting on. Let’s not add when grandma and mom is sitting there with stern faces.

I get it, I know it’s natural to control our lives. If you are raising children, we have control over their lives until they are adults and then they will let you know you no longer have that job. I have to stop myself almost everyday when it comes to my family, especially the girls. Every morning, I have to see what they are wearing to school and yes I have the final say. Most of the time, ~~95%~~ 85% ok 75% I don’t say anything, I try to let them wear whatever they want. I’m trying to teach them how to dress like young women and ironing is necessary. I don’t try to hurt their feelings, I remember how that felt, but what I’m doing is trying to get them to develop good habits on style, looking nice, neat and how people see them. I don’t even try to control to my husband, he’s not having it anyway. My mother was in control of everything, and we rarely questioned her. If we didn’t like something, we went to our own house where we were in charge.

One thing, I have to know where the money is going, I honestly don’t know if I can give that up. My husband and I have an agreement that if it cost over $200 we are suppose to bring it to each other before making the purchase. It works, because most of the time, it’s something major. It all came about when he brought home a DeWalt drill set that he purchased at Home Depot. He walked in the house and immediately started asking me if I was mad at him. My words were, what did you buy? I didn’t object, because that same day I bought my Keurig, but it was under $200. This was two years ago and it works for us and helps me with my control thing. I cringe when he goes to Home Depot, Lowes or Sam’s Club it takes everything I have not to call him to see what he’s buying. I try to go with him because he won’t purchase much when we are together.

Some women are great organizers because of our ability to control or however you want to describe it. I’m relinquishing control of things I can’t change or do anything about. I have enough going on right now and after I try to control the situation or worry about it, I have no control on the outcome, so why do that to myself. Those of us that have to control need to release unnecessary stress, it will make you sick. What about you all, do you have control issues and how do you handle it?

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Filed Under: Family, Health & Wellness, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: children, control, finances, marriage, stress

Going With The Flow

November 16, 2012 by Whitney 19 Comments

Sometimes life is so hectic, you just feel like going with the flow, know what I mean? I can be a bit uptight during stressful times, and I find that when I chill out, breathe and just forget about it, my nerves ease and I have a clear thought process. The holidays have literally snuck upon us, and it’s time to plan all the holiday activities. This year, I’m going with the flow, not gonna drive myself crazy and stressed out, I did enough of that this past summer. Thanksgiving dinner is gonna be a small version of what we had last year. We always waste food, and this year my husband and I both agreed (yay) that it wasn’t worth all the work to waste all that food. That’s flowing and I love it. I will extend an invitation to my oldest brother and his family, but they will probably be doing their own thing.

I’m loving the flow of things right now. I will probably change a few things, step up my blogging by doing some ads, do some guest blogging, but I love blogging. Me, my thoughts and my computer. I’m getting better on the technical side, still have a lot to go, but I’m working it. I would like to make a little more money, so I am considering my options for next year regarding employment. My family has gotten very comfortable with me being home, but they do forget that I still work from home and they will come and interrupt me while I’m working. That usually only happens on the weekends, that’s why I try to work during the week, and my required 5 hours for the weekend. One of the reasons I’m considering finding a job is I don’t like working weekends. It’s only 5 hours and I split them for both days, I just don’t like my giving up my weekends. Going with the flow until things change.

My neighborhood is very quiet, mostly retirees. It’s a mixture though, children my girls’ age. The house across the street is a home for special needs young men. When they first moved it, I thought it would be a problem, but they have been there around 5 years and they seem to have things flowing pretty good over there.

As we approach the next 6 weeks, let’s take it easy and go with the flow….please don’t fight in the lines if you go out for any of the “Black Friday” sales, they will have more of that particular item later. Let’s get along with family, friends and co-workers. I know they can wear your nerves, but let it go, don’t need the stress.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

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Filed Under: Currently, Lifestyle Tagged With: holidays, life, random, stress, work

Murphy’s Law….

August 9, 2012 by Whitney 8 Comments

I sure miss sharing my journey with you all. The move is over and I’m an exhausted mess. You know the old saying about Murphy’s Law, what can go wrong….will. I should have video taped the last week of my life, you all would have laughed and cried with me. I’m sitting at my desk, surrounded with boxes, bags and dust. I’ll clean, and it seems like I still need to clean again. I did manage to work today for a while, it was nice to do something different. We had challenges from the very beginning, the condition the house was in, having all the appliances removed from the house, the movers from who left stuff in St Louis, water coming from everywhere just to name a few things. I’m giving everything a thorough cleaning before I unpack anything, so it will be a while before we have a normal home….but it’s ours and I’m glad we have a home to move back into. I’m blessed and I know it.

Today I went to register the girls in school and because of residency requirements, I had to dig out the deed to the house to get them registered. I still have to take up two utility bills when I get them by September 7th. I’ve gotta admit to you all that I lost it a couple of times in the last week and wanted Calgon to take me away so many times. I’ve had to drink coffee from QuikTrip all week, they have been a lifesaver! We have spent way beyond the budget to the point that there is no more budget. The refrigerator will be delivered tomorrow, gotta great deal on it. We both need to get back to work like yesterday! My husband is on vacation, but me being an independent contractor, no work, no money. I did manage to clean a spot for my favorite appliance, my Keurig. I missed my coffee maker.

I will be sharing the work we do on the house in the year or so ahead of us, should be my next great challenge! I need a vacation so bad! I’m glad to be back!

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Filed Under: Currently, Health & Wellness, Lifestyle Tagged With: moving, murphy's law, stress

Calm In the Middle of the Storm

July 30, 2012 by Whitney 2 Comments

Hope you all had a great weekend. I finally found some peace throughout all this madness I’ve been going through. It was simple, my situation isn’t as bad as it could be. I am blessed to have a home to move to. Things can be replaced, relationships can be repaired. I needed that reminder. I went to church yesterday, my last service at Shalom Church ~ City of Peace in Florissant, MO. Service was awesome, I’m gonna miss being a member of this church.

Don’t you hate it when you get all worked up about something, when you know there’s nothing you can do about it? It’s the human side of us, the way we react to situations. I’m glad I was able to recognize that I needed to calm down, breathe and keep going. I was a mess last week, because of the stress of moving. It’s almost like I took medication or something to calm me down, which I probably needed. I just have to remember that bad things happen to good people all the time, can’t sweat the small stuff.

I was invited to be a guest blogger at MyBlogalicious and my post was featured yesterday, go check me out please and leave a comment. It was a great honor and privilege to have a opportunity to write for them, thanks to Krystal Grant for the invite. Just when you think no one is paying attention, they are. Be prepared for anything life brings, it’s an amazing journey. Be blessed and have a great week.

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Filed Under: Inspirational, Lifestyle, Relationships Tagged With: blessings, blog challenge, life, stress

Trying to Control The Stress

July 16, 2012 by Whitney 8 Comments

I’ve gotta admit something to you all today. I. Am. Stressed. Out. I’m sitting in my office/living room right now looking at all of our belongings, making calls and trying to organize everything while working and blogging. I have a headache that won’t go away, and money is tight this week. I pray on a regular, throughout my day, nothing formal. I just talk to God, about being blessed, my transgressions and successes, and to take this stress. I’m letting it go as of today, been holding this too long and I’m tired of the headaches.

My office, I just love my chaise lounge. You can seriously sleep on it!

Here’s the biggest part of my stress…I let my girlfriend’s brother stay in my house while it was on the market. He let his cousin stay in my house and stored his son’s vehicle in my garage, which wasn’t part of the deal. I had to turn off the utilities to get him out, but he left the car in my garage as a free place to store the unregistered, busted window car. I know it’s my fault, I needed someone to stay in the house to keep an eye out on it while we were here and it was on the market. My friend suggested her brother, said he would be perfect. He’s two years older than us, so I though it would be ok. It was a disaster. He’s changed his phone number and I’ve asked my friend several times to have her brother call me. I’m finished stressing over it, I will have it towed to a lot where they can charge him by the day until he decides to pick it up.

We are going there this weekend to clean the house, and prepare for our move. I’m having a free for all, first come~first serve, take it all house cleaning! There is furniture and dishes in there and it’s free for anyone that can bring a truck and haul it out. After that, I’m donating anything left to the Salvation Army, they are the only ones that will come and pick it up free of charge. If you are in the Kansas City area this weekend or know someone that would love to come by for some free stuff, let me know.

Have you ever been used or taken advantage of and feel helpless like I was?

Here’s a video that my real estate agent made of my home when it was on the market.

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Filed Under: Currently, Relationships Tagged With: blog challenge, move, rant, stress

My Challenge for July

June 30, 2012 by Whitney 4 Comments

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. I usually don’t blog on weekends but since this is June 30th, and I didn’t blog yesterday, I wanted to share with you my plans for July. I will be 50 on July 3rd, I’m moving back to my hometown, Kansas City. I have to pack and organize this move while being wife, mom and maintaining my sanity. I decided to blog about my activities this month so I can look back on this as hopefully a wonderful memory. I plan to blog Monday through Friday during the month of July. I normally blog three days a week, so this will be very interesting.

My only sister died in 1997 at age 49, three months before her 50th birthday. I have always felt that deep down inside I wasn’t going to make it to my 50th birthday. I know that sounds bizarre, but I used to let those thoughts bother me. My sister was 15 years older than me and even though we were like night and day, I looked up to her. I can’t share pictures of her because my pictures are at the bottom of the pile in our storage area, I’ll post them later in the month when I get down to them. She didn’t like taking pictures even though she was a beautiful woman. I feel so blessed that I decided I wanted to blog about my journey on turning 50. We are starting with a concert to see Will Downing tonight, one of our favorites. Thank goodness it’s at a nice venue with air conditioning!

I love shoes, if you follow me on Pinterest, it’s one of my biggest boards. I did a little shopping yesterday, bought these shoes….but I may take them back. I also have to be practical this month, and they don’t match one thing in my closet! They are suppose to be beige/tan, but they look pink. What do you think? I got them at Nordstrom Rack and paid a bit more than I normally would have. They are AGL (who???) and the retail price is $325 and I paid $79. They are extremely comfortable which is very important to me these days, very. They just don’t match the dress I wanted to wear. Plan B? Wear some white pants and a “new” top, that will work! I’m going out to get me a new blouse/top to wear with these shoes, that will be cheaper. I’ll post pictures of our evening on Monday.

Then there’s the move…wow, so much to do. I called the school district and they told me that school starts August 16th, so I’ll have almost two weeks to get them registered in school. Hopefully that will be painless, they make you bring so much to prove you live in the district. Ummm, I still own my house in this district, so they’re good, but a policy is a policy. I’ll have my ducks in a row. I found a moving company and scheduled them last week, and having utilities turned on this week. Here’s a picture of the mess “we” have to start packing. I’m donating a lot of our things, mostly clothing and shoes. The girls and I have plenty to give away.

I’m off to a good start, but have plenty to do. Blogging will definitely help me this month, I will apologize to everyone in advance. Have a great weekend!

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Filed Under: Currently, Family, Inspirational, Lifestyle Tagged With: birthday, blog challenge, fun, moving, stress, therapy

Spyware, Viruses & Pain In The…Oops

June 13, 2012 by Whitney 16 Comments

I had to buy a new computer for work on Monday. The old Dell was over 7 years old and it was my husbands computer. I clicked on a link on a website I use everyday and it had spy-ware on it. I was stressed because Microsoft wanted to charge $99 to clean the system and remove the spy-ware. The computer is old, and my husband didn’t want to spend the money on removing the spy-ware/virus and it was guaranteed for 30 days. It is such a pain to buy a new computer, all my old info is on that computer and I can’t access any of it. Files, documents, pictures it’s all lost. Had to purchase Microsoft Office 2010, haven’t installed that yet. I will not let this get me down, I still have my iMac and I love it. Wish I could do my work from my iMac, it would make life more simple. I know there are reports that iMac’s can get viruses, but I thank God I haven’t had any problems.

The virus completely messed up my day, wasn’t able to get anything else done. It took 3 hours to run a full scan on the computer, I had to give up hours I was scheduled to work. I took it in stride, nothing I could do about it. When I felt the stress coming, I said a quick prayer and a deep breath. No joke, and it helped me get through the day. I just have to watch my credit cards and other account info very closely. I may even consider changing them since most of them are debit cards. I know my husband was mad, but I was proud of him for not going completely off about it, I felt bad enough. What a costly mistake I made, but I honestly didn’t know that would happen. Kind of has me cautious about surfing my favorite websites now.

I got a new Dell laptop, I really like it since I had to get a windows based computer for work. Plus it will allow me to work when I have to go to Kansas City during this move. I also have a 3 year warranty and support against viruses, spyware and any other type of infections that will compromise my computer. Good thing, I was able to download my programs so I could work today.

In the end, it was an inconvenience and costly. We were just talking about replacing my work computer soon, but we didn’t want to do it before the move. I probably have to put off the camera I wanted for my birthday, but that’s okay. I have a brand new laptop to work from, thanks to my wonderful husband. Thanks honey!

Pictures of my new laptop, old desktop and the sunset on the drive home, very calming. No feelings were hurt or arguments happened as a result of my mistake. Have you all had this happen before and how did you handle it?

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