self love - cafe mocha reflections

Top 10 Motivational Songs

January 21, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

What a better way to start the week than a motivational post, but with a twist. Music is a vital part of my life, it sets my mood, makes me smile, reminisce, saves my soul, helps me to relax and when I’m in a super cleaning mood. I’ve decided to make a new playlist to motivate me and get my creative juices going.

1. This Girl Is On Fire ~ Alicia Keys

2. Golden ~ Jill Scott

3. Livin ~ The Clark Sisters

4. Go Get It ~ Mary Mary

5. Ain’t No Stopping Us Now ~ McFadden & Whitehead

6. Shining Star ~ Earth, Wind & Fire

7. A Woman’s Worth ~ Alicia Keys

8. Walking ~ Mary Mary

9. The Best Is Yet To Come ~ Donald Lawrence & The Tri-City Singers

10. Shackles ~ Mary Mary

My playlist will be longer, but trust me these 10 songs will be on it. Gotta think it to achieve it, and work hard! What gets you going, this song by Mary Mary gets me going. Share with me some of your favorite motivational songs.

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Filed Under: Inspirational Tagged With: inspiration, motivation, music, self love

A Conversation With My Past

December 26, 2012 by Whitney 10 Comments

I’ve been intending to have this conversation for a long time, but been avoiding it. There is something to say about wisdom. I guess that’s why it takes years and life experience to achieve it. Sometimes even with wisdom, you don’t have all the answers, just know that’s the way life is. I got this idea from Rene Syler’s blog Good Enough Mother. She has a segment called “Life Lessons”, and one of the questions she asks, “What would you say to your 16 year old self?” I decided it was time to have a honest conversation with my 16 year old self.

I was a sensitive teenager, who had a great circle of friends. I couldn’t wait for us to do things to get away from home. I had a ball when I was away from home. You see, my mother was an alcoholic who could be mean when she drank. I would explain to my 16 year old self not to blame momma, she had a sickness, an addiction and didn’t seek help. My daddy didn’t know or chose not to seek help. My parents were very private people, only family and her close friends knew what momma was going through. She would try to tackle it herself, I would be so proud of her, only to be so disappointed when she started drinking again. I would tell that disappointed girl, take it easy on momma, she’s trying. She’s trying to stop because she loves her family, but addiction is HARD!

I would tell that girl, now you understand why daddy stayed with momma? He loved her, and his family. We were his responsibility and he wasn’t going to abandon us, not the daddy I know and love. He wasn’t weak, not at all. Thank you daddy for being man enough not to run when some wouldn’t have been able to handle the pressure. You had the work ethic that allowed you to take care of your family despite the situation. I’m sorry I ever thought that way about you, I was your girl and I wanted you to be happy.

My momma wanted me to be thin, and I wanted to be….trust me. She told me once that no man would ever want me because I was fat. That. Hurt. Bad. I would tell that girl, it was her way trying to encourage you to lose weight now, because it was a battle that I’m still fighting today. I would explain to that sensitive young woman, toughen up, don’t cry, even though that still stings and probably why I have married three times. I wanted acceptance, and I have finally accepted myself. I would also explain to that wanna be grown young girl that sex is not a substitute for love, and giving yourself to that young man didn’t make him stay, just brought drama. I would tell that girl that she was blessed not to be a teenaged mother or have any STD because I wasn’t practicing safe sex. Thank you Lord for that one!

I would tell that girl to ask for help with geometry and trigonometry instead of just passing without any understanding of what I was learning. My daddy just couldn’t understand why I didn’t get it, hell I just didn’t, sorry daddy. I would explain that momma & daddy are proud of you, so relax a little more. I would tell her to make sure you stay in college, even when your parents brought you home. Enroll in a local college and finish, because that plan to go back hasn’t happened yet. You did get a trade later on and that’s where you discovered your creativity.

Your parents taught you some of life’s best lessons, you have a conscience, ethics, hard working because no one will give you anything and have great style. You realize that none of this is possible without the love of God. I would tell that girl that your life is what you make it, you will take chances, live in different places, make friends all over the country, make good and bad decisions. I would explain to that critical girl to keep living, you will be a parent and have a different set of challenges with a special needs child. Parents aren’t perfect, we do the best with what we have and with love. You did forgive your momma, she truly loved you.

My mother died 9 years ago yesterday and I miss her so much.

Love,

The Woman I am Today

Please reach out and encourage a young girl today, you never know how you could touch her life, kind words can sometimes last a lifetime.

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Filed Under: Family, Health & Wellness, Inspirational, Relationships Tagged With: inspirational, parents, self esteem, self love

AARP and Middle Aged

August 20, 2012 by Whitney 2 Comments

This is the face and story of a middle aged woman….

I started receiving invitations from AARP about 5 years ago via email. I was kind of offended, I wasn’t old enough for AARP yet, at least I thought so. Each time I would get something via email or mail, I would joke about it on Facebook. One friend told me that they offer great discounts and I should check it out. Discounts? I sure will, I’ll take advantage of any membership that offers discounts, period. My husband will ask about a military discount in a heart beat. I don’t blame him, he earned it. Ok fast forward 5 years, I have liked the AARP page on Facebook, and they posted a question asking people to name the Kardashian’s in order. People started going off about who cares and why would they post something so stupid? I could name Kim, Kourtney and mom Kris, that’s all. I still can’t think if the others without hitting the Google. It made me think, do we become less accepting when we get older? These people were really cranky about the question, I mean going off saying they should focus on other things instead of the Kardashian’s. It was just something for fun, a trivia question. Criticize the Kardashian’s if you want, but Kris Jenner is a hell of a good business woman. Has she made mistakes? Yes, but that comes with business. Lighten up people, I don’t plan to lose my sense of humor or act like I’m ready to be put in the nursing home.

There is another page on Facebook that I’ve liked, “Black Women Are Sexy”, they show different pictures of women, write positive affirmations and other interesting things black women may be interested in. They posted a picture of a woman this morning, giving her name and age. She was 47 years old and had on a short dress that was fitting and hitting her curves. People cut this woman up so bad, mostly women. I don’t like how the internet has allowed people to be mean to the point that it’s hurtful. I realize when you upload pictures on the internet, you take your chances. Check it out here, it’s not a look that I would do, but that’s what makes us different, and we have the right to wear our hair and the kind of clothing that we please. Most of the responses were from younger women that kept saying, her body is ok, she looks good for her age like she was 70. Here’s one thing about black women, if you take care of yourself from those early adult years, you know…..when others are abusing drugs or drinking heavily, staying up all night, heavy partying, then when you are 45 and up you will be able to hold on to your looks. I can only speak for myself. My class reunion was two years ago, and time hadn’t been kind to some of the women, but I’m telling you, it was because of the abuse they put their bodies through when we were younger.

One of the reasons I started this blog was to blog about my journey, and to support women over 40. We don’t really have a platform, we get an article here or there. We have a magazine, but they changed it to add women age 30. When I was 30, I wasn’t thinking about age 40 until I had a baby at 38. I want to brand myself, the middle aged diva. Life is what you make it at any age. As my momma used to say….keep on living. Isn’t that the truth.

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Filed Under: Currently, Health & Wellness, Lifestyle, Menopause Mania Tagged With: aarp, middle age, self love, women over 40

Currently

March 29, 2012 by Whitney 5 Comments

Currently, I am going through a transformation…

I will work on my vision…

I will heal the pain from my past; feel, deal & heal…

I will tell the truth, even if it hurts…

I will put myself first because I have to take care of myself before I can help anyone else…

I will stop telling my old story, I will have a new story to tell…

I will remember that God wants us to live in perfect happiness…

We all have work to do, we want to be happy and live in peace. I’ve been searching for this peace the last year or so, through prayer and taking a good look at my life. Iyanla Vanzant is a wonderful motivator and speaker, she told us what we need to do in order to live a blessed life without PAIN – pay, attention, inward, now. I’ve been a fan of hers for over 20 years, I had a audio cassette of a speaking engagement she did years ago. I had the opportunity to see her at Oprah’s Lifeclass on Monday here in St. Louis. I was a sometime fan of Oprah, but her Lifeclass series will have me watching OWN on Monday’s and Saturday’s, I love “Welcome To Sweetie Pie’s”. She explained her vision of starting her network and what she wanted to achieve with it. I respect and understand that vision. I’m so glad I attended and realized we have to cleanse our souls like we cleanse our bodies. Much love to you all.

Whitney

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Filed Under: Currently, Health & Wellness, Inspirational, Lifestyle Tagged With: change, inspiration, self love, transformation, vision

Love Yourself

March 16, 2012 by Whitney Leave a Comment

Women are their own worst critics.

My moms is 82 years old and the lil’ tiny, classic old lady. That church mother, in everybody’s business kinda old lady. We were talking the other day and she’s like.. “I’m trying to lose these 10 pounds”. Really? At 82? Then what?

I told her I thought by her age she’d be content with herself or at least accept how you are and focus on other things in life, like..grand kids, bingo or comfortable shoes. I know that society and the media set women up psychologically to measure themselves by every video vixen, granola bar commercial or swimsuit model out there but do you ever see yourself turning the corner and just saying ‘F’ it, this is me. This is how God made me. I love me.

I’m not advocating an unhealthy lifestyle and I’m definitely one for refining yourself and improving (via college, home ownership, etc.) but can’t women love themselves for who they are? How do you expect a man to accept you for who/what you are if you don’t? How can you truly bond with other women and have a true sisterhood when women hate on each other so much? Partly because of self-loathing would you not want to see someone else enjoying being themselves.

Hell, I say if you’re a big girl, get u some big clothes and a comfy car and go on to the spa and pamper yourself!! If you’re skinny with a high booty, get you some long shirts and some flats and get on out to the Anthony Hamilton concert and enjoy yourself!! All I’m saying is don’t focus on the world and trying to find your place in it. Focus on you and let the world catch up. And if they don’t, it’s their loss..

V Ray

V Ray is a modern-day renaissance man, trying to keep a hand in all things creative from music to writing, art to video production. He’s been performing and touring since he was about 14 years old and has shared the stage with a number of artists, unknown to legendary. He absolutely LOVES kids and if he wasn’t totally smitten with creative ‘everything’ he would love to have a school for pre-K to elementary school-aged kids. He has been married almost 25 years and has one son.

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