The First Time I Fell In Love

February 6, 2013 by 4 Comments

I messed up, the theme for yesterday was suppose to be for today, and this was for yesterday.  All this love talk has me going I guess.  I’ll probably skip some of these during the challenge because I wouldn’t have anything to write, not all of them apply to me.  I can talk about the first time I fell in love though.

My parents had just dropped me off at Lincoln University, I was 18 ready to tackle this new environment and world on my own.  I was nervous and excited at the same time, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was coming from the financial aid office and I saw a young man with his parents, and he noticed me.  We exchanged looks as to say, we’ll find each other later.

 Sure enough, that evening at the student union, we ran into each other.   He was with his cousin and another guy, so he had to play like I was just another girl, you know how young men are.  I was mingling, trying to hang with my new roommate, but also running into people from my hometown that I went to high school with.   I noticed that he broke away from his boys and made his way toward me, I knew he would come looking for me.  I was so nervous, but looking cute I must admit.  He introduced himself to me and I told him my name.  We started talking, what our major was, who our roommates were, what city we were from and about our families.  We had a lot in common, oldest children of our parents who both had second marriages, older siblings almost old enough to be our parents.  He was from Columbia, MO which is literally half way between St Louis and Kansas City, a college town.  We spent the rest of the evening at the student union talking, then finally it was late and we went to our dorms.  

That was Friday night and I didn’t see him until that following Monday, what was going on?  Now remember, this is 1980, many years before pagers, cell phones or the internet.  He went home that weekend, which was a 30 minute drive from campus.  You know I had an 18 year old attitude, thought he was playing or dissing me.  After his explanation, I was kind of ok,  felt he could have came by the dorm and told me he was going home for the weekend.  Anyway, he was sweet, kind, loved music like me and knew how to do the Kansas City two step!  Yep, he was entering my heart and the boy could kiss!   

Our relationship grew, I started going home with him on occasion weekends to hang out with his family and we had a ball.  He had a sister 3 years younger than us and we all had a good time.  He came to Kansas City to meet my family and he clicked with my family as well.  I loved me some him, sure did.  This was the beginning of my first love affair, elation, joy, sensuality, arguments, disappointments and heart break.  I wouldn’t change it at all, not one moment. 

 

 

This is one of my favorite jams by Toni Braxton and describes how we can love a man.

 

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Friends With Your Ex?

February 5, 2013 by 2 Comments

This February challenge for NaBloPoMO is funny to me.  I decided to participate because I needed a challenge and love is a favorite topic of mine.

 Let me say this, I don’t hold on to the past, not for long anyway.  I’m a very forgiving woman, always have been.  That’s just how I operate.  Being friends with my exes before marriage, hasn’t been a very successful for me because I don’t know where half of them are.  I’ve lost a lot of weight since I was with them, so for selfish reasons, I would love to run into a few of them, especially the guy from college.  I was soooo in love with him.  He wanted to love everyone else, which is why it didn’t work.    I am friends with one ex on Facebook, we dated in the mid 80′s, so we are over one another.  

I’m not friends with either of my ex-husbands, but that’s more complicated than boyfriends.   My girls have no contact with their biological father at all, who is my second husband.   Another post, another day and I will blog about this very soon.  There is no holding a grudge on my part, we should be civil with one another for our daughters’ sake.

This topic is bringing more the reality than I thought.  It’s making me reminisce on how they became an “ex” in the first place?  Hmmm, have you all ever thought about that?  When I was dating, most of the break-ups were for three reasons:  cheating, crazy men, and men wanting my money.  Yep, I would break up with you if you appeared crazy to me.  I wasn’t taking no chances with being abused by a man because of a bad relationship.   It wasn’t worth it to me.  I dated a man about 6 years ago that always talked about what a woman did for him.  I immediately checked him by saying, I’m a single mother and the only people I spend money on was me and my girls.  We dated for almost a year, it wasn’t a good fit and I stopped dating him.   We are cordial but not friends, I wouldn’t confide in him about anything.  

Wow, I was all over the place on this subject wasn’t I?  I will be cordial with an ex-boyfriend or even my ex-husbands, but to hang out and talk to them on a regular basis, nope I’ll pass.  What do you ladies think about this one?   Here’s one of my favorite break up songs…of course it’s old school.  RIP Sugarfoot, the lead singer of the Ohio Players, he died last week from heart failure.  

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Love Yourself Out of Abuse

December 3, 2012 by 6 Comments

We had a very sad weekend here in the Kansas City area.  I’m sure you all heard about the murder/suicide of Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend Kassandra Michelle Perkins on Saturday morning.  They had a 3 month old baby that is now an orphan.  My heart and prayers go out for both families, this is a tragedy beyond my understanding because nothing like this has ever happened to in my family.  Another sad thing about this all is how the media, including TV, social media and some blogs have covered this event.  I have heard and read everything from what led up to the deaths, to the page I have seen on Facebook dedicated to the young mother.  There are reports about the young couple having issues in their relationship, and as his sister stated we really don’t know what was going on.  All I know is that precious little Zoey Michelle Belcher will never know her mother and father.  

Left, an undated photo of Kasandra Michelle Perkins,

Photo Credit: Facebook and Getty Images

 

All weekend, everyone has talked about domestic violence and being in a troubled relationship.  I’m gonna speak from experience, my second husband hit me one time and gave me a black eye.  That was the beginning of the end of our marriage.  I knew that if he hit me once, it could and probably would happen again.  I wasn’t going to be a victim and let my children see that kind of relationship.  I would rather they have a distant relationship with their dad than to let them see us fight.  I packed a bag for me and the girls and we left for a few days.  He was very upset and said I took his children.  I returned only to tell him our marriage was over and he needed to leave.  At first he refused, but realized we were at the end.  Mind you….I was 42 years old at the time and could take care of myself, but I had to protect my girls.  I remember my ex-husband told me that I wouldn’t make it on my own and I wasn’t a good mother.  When someone says that to you, it’s a way to make you doubt yourself and stay in relationships that are unhealthy and/or abusive.  After he left, I did doubt myself and wonder if I made the right decision, it is hard being a single parent.  I never looked back, the girls and I survived.  

I tell this to let you know abuse and domestic violence can and does happen to us no matter where we are in life, rich, famous and everyday woman like myself.  Be strong and love yourself to the point where you will leave or seek help…I did.  Let’s continue to pray for both families and for little Zoey.

 

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Wordless Wednesday

August 1, 2012 by 10 Comments

I thought I would put up a few pictures of my husband  to remind me that I still love him…yes, I still love him!  We love taking pictures at concerts, it’s our thing we like to do together.

 

 

I’m going to do the 31 days 31 photos 31 stories on Beatrice Clay’s blog inspired by Beatrice Clay.  It’s simple and allows you to share beautiful pictures about your life, use the #31stories to share your pictures on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  I know another challenge, but this one’s easy.   Here’s the challenge:

 

 

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My Online Dating Fiasco

July 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I divorced my 2nd husband in 2007, promising I wouldn’t marry again until my girls were grown.  I just didn’t think I wanted any other man around them except their dad and family.  That wasn’t a realistic goal and decided to date, but try not to involve them with my girls.  Well…here we go.  The girls and I took some pictures from Sears, and they turned out very nice.  We took pictures together, and then she took pictures of us alone.  Well this one particular picture of me was very nice.  I gave out pictures to family and friends and one of my co-workers suggested that I try online dating and use this picture as my profile picture.

 

 

At first I said “NO”, I wasn’t interested and I didn’t want to look desperate.  Only desperate women went online to find men to date, and you never know what kind of weirdo you would meet online.  I was a busy mom, who went to church 3 days a week and I didn’t want anyone to find out from church that I was considering online dating.  Well I did it and I used Black Christian People Meet as my choice of online dating.  I had convinced myself that it was ok, because these men were “christians” and so was I.  What I found was the same thing I guess you would find on any dating website, men wanting to hook up with women at any cost and tell us anything to get us to be interested in them.  I met a few men that I was very casual with, no phone number or anything like that.  We would just talk when I logged on the website.  I met one that was very interested in me, told me how beautiful I was and how I would make the perfect wife.  Really just from this picture??  Let me tell ya, there were some weirdos, that’s the nicest word I could use to describe them.  Several asked me how old the picture was, to make sure I didn’t put a 10 year old picture online.  Don’t worry dude, the picture was recent.  What about yours, are you really single and is this your real name?  

One day, I got a nice email from one gentleman, let’s call him Mr Chicago.  He told me all about himself, divorced, dad, a true christian and  musician.  We were the same age, and he gave me his phone number and asked if we could talk.  We emailed each other for a few weeks before I got the nerve to finally call him.  I called him, he sounded nice on the phone (what exactly does that mean anyway, “sounded nice”?).  Our conversations were long and fun, always looking forward to the next one.  We didn’t talk everyday because we were both so busy, we did most of our communication with email and sent e-cards to each other.  He would send me a video of some of our artists we liked.  You know where I’m going here.  He told me he was falling in love with me and wanted me to consider being his wife.   I too was smitten, but wasn’t in love…not yet.  He then told me that he really wanted to see me, would I consider coming to Chicago.  I told him I couldn’t do that, I had two small children and no family.  He didn’t push but just asked me to consider it at a later time.  The conversations continued, he said everything I thought I wanted to hear, and to get me to finally agree to go to Chicago.  

I did something I never thought possible, I agreed to go to Chicago to meet the man that had fallen in love with me.  It took several months to get here,  I had a ticket from Southwest that I had to cancel my plans a few months before, so I used it.   Got to Chicago, met my “wannabe” prince and started the weekend.  It was nice, I wasn’t as attracted to him like I thought I would be.  He took me to brunch on Lake Michigan, went to go listen to jazz and enjoyed each other.  My brother called me about 15 times while I was there.  The girls stayed with my girlfriend who encouraged me to go and have a good time.  The weekend came to an end and although I still wasn’t “in love”, I agreed to let him come to Kansas City to meet my family.  He passed all the family tests and questions with flying colors.  I let him meet my children, briefly.  Then he told me that he wanted me to come to Chicago again and this time bring the girls for a family weekend.  Now he was talking, any man interested in me, had to accept my children…point blank.

We drove to Chicago and that’s where the truth came out.  He took us to the zoo, movies and did the tourist thing with us, but there just wasn’t a love connection for either one of us.  I got back to KC, called him and told him we made it home and we never spoke again.  No regret, no hurt feelings.  I closed my account with Black Christian People Meet and decided to meet men the old fashion way.  My life…..


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Wordless Wednesday….My Marriage

May 23, 2012 by 10 Comments

 

The Mr & I got married on May 17th!  We eloped, it was a quiet celebration and we got married on his mom’s birthday.  As you can see we don’t really drink and the Mr has ice in his glass of wine!!  I took a picture of the Arch that day too.  I take a picture of it every time we drive downtown.  This is to my husband, we did it!  I love you honey….

 



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Encouragement and a Smile…

April 30, 2012 by 5 Comments

 

 

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.  Do you know why you are on this earth and what you should be doing?  I finally understand what my purpose is in this world.  As a Christian, I am suppose to share the gospel and encourage people to give their life to Christ.  I believe that and I do my part to share the gospel.  Women contribute a great deal of wealth, information, education and support to our society, families and careers, but we are not so good when it comes to nurturing our relationships with one another.  

The last week or so I have participated in online conversations about women and our relationships with one another and ways we can heal.  I know we can do it because of all the wonderful women I have met online since I started blogging almost 5 months ago.  I don’t have all the answers, but I know that it is my responsibility to be supportive, loving, and have something positive that will help at least one woman heal.  If that happens, then I’ve done my job and will receive favor in God’s eyes.  I have to remain humble while I share with you all, but I would love to see women heal to the point that our relationships with one another will not be an issue anymore.  If we could just work on current relationships that are damaged, or reconnect with someone from our past, we are doing our part.  

I’m not saying that we all have to be BFF’s, only a few people make that category if any.   Trust me, I know there are some relationships we can’t fix or heal.   In those situations, let’s do what I always say, forgive them and/or the situation and keep it moving.  I’m simply suggesting that we try being more courteous with one another, smile at each other and just say something that will make another person’s day.  You never know, you may just be that ray of hope a person needs to turn their life around.  We are nurturers, we love our families, give our husbands and children our all until there is nothing left to give to ourselves (I stopped doing that one).  I make time for myself now, and I’m a happier woman because of it.   When we are out in our social circles, let’s think about the woman that seems a little uncomfortable because no one is talking to her.  You don’t know what is going on in her life, but reaching out to her will let her know that you cared enough to approach her.  That one greeting may resonate with her for years to come.

I did a little shopping today and put my suggestions to test.  I saw one woman in the grocery store who was 62 years young, and she looked marvelous!  She had on some white cropped jeans, a bright pink blouse and some striped, cork heeled wedge shoes, with a bright pink purse!  Her hair was white, cut short and she had on some rocking glasses!  I told her how wonderful she looked, and she told me that I made her day and she refuses to be an old grandma!  She also told me she has 6 grown children and 10 grandchildren.  I wanted to take her picture so bad, but didn’t want to scare her away!  I did tell her I was going to write about her in my blog.   I also saw a woman who had on some nice jewelry, and I complimented her on it, and I’m going by her store this week!  See what happens when you take a moment to speak to someone?  Every woman I made eye contact with I spoke to, and all with a positive reaction. 

Maybe I’m encouraging you in some way, if so then take that encouragement and run with it.  I just want to see women have better relationships with one another.  What we see on TV has gotten out of control.  My purpose is to spread stories that uplift, encourage, make you laugh and think.  Some stories will be about me, my family, other people and situations.  That is my purpose, part of my journey.  I love music, and I think this video is perfect.  Have a good week, and smile at someone!  Take care!

 


 



 

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My Budget Challenge

April 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.  It was the typical one for me, a little work, grocery shopping and trying to set the budget.  This was a shopping budget that included restocking, we were almost out of everything.  That can get costly, I try to keep things we need in stock, you know…toiletries, laundry needs, paper towels & toilet paper.  I buy all those things in bulk, so that means we made a trip to Sam’s Club this weekend.  I have a love/hate relationship with Sam’s Club.  I love it because of buying in bulk and it is cheaper to me, but hate it because when we get to the register, we spend anywhere from $150 – $300 every time we go.  I just shake my head, because the Mr. is like a kid in Toys R Us when we go to Sam’s Club.  He literally throws everything he needs or wants in the basket.  Then looks at me and says, what did we buy for $200?  Really??  How about all those things you just had to have?  His thinking is we need it, so we may as well get it.  He doesn’t believe in doing without or buying discount, brand X as he calls it.   He says he works hard and he will get what we need and most of what we all want.  I support that and make adjustments on the budget in other ways.  

Photo courtesy Google

 

Now we are good on everything for a while.   I don’t like running out of anything and it will stop all those little trips to the grocery store around the corner that charges more for everything.  Sometimes living by a budget is a challenge, but it’s necessary right now because of plans we have in the making.  More on that in a few months.  I am pretty much in charge of the money, I do okay, could do better.  I have to cut back on things like shopping every payday and eating out.  We manage to pay the bills and keep the house going, that is the goal.  We eat out on payday, shop when the girls have a need which as most of you that have children know is almost every week.  My youngest needs clothing and shoes right now because she is growing out of everything, even things I purchased three months ago.   I can’t keep up with her sometimes, she’ll come home and say something is too little.    My current budget includes my big plans, summer school, clothing and activities.  Whew, I need another gig!  Have a blessed day everyone!

 

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Commitment and Love….

March 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How many times have you been in “love”?  That’s a loaded question for some of us, others can answer it quickly.  Some of us don’t have enough fingers to count, or admit that we’ve “loved” that many times.  I started thinking about this after reading a wonderful story by this woman on the natural hair community, Natural Sunshine.  She wrote about being in love with the image she saw and what that represented to her.  They fell hard, and the bottom fell out of the relationship.  You know how the story ends.  It was written with a certain poetic feeling, or that’s the way l read it, because all the responses were the same….that’s my story.

Lord knows I can’t be judgmental about anyone’s relationship.  I’m the woman that’s wants to be in love, you know my kind.  I wanted affirmation, affection, emotion.  I thought that was the way we were supposed to be loved…yeah I know, my head was way in the clouds.  I also know what’s said in the religious community about being “equally yoked”, praying for that husband and waiting.  We’ll pray for the husband, but our desire to have a mate is stronger than our faith in God.  In other words, the flesh wins again.  

One thing I know is as we get older, our definition of love and commitment gets tweaked a little.  Although I still desire the emotion of love, I know as many of you do that there is more to that verb LOVE.  It’s all about action, communication, honesty, maturity, respect.  My man is my love, friend, business partner, co-parent.  At times we can’t stand each other, disagree, debate, talk loud and don’t talk.  There are many days we have to agree to disagree, because that’s just the way it is.  Just being honest.  One thing we have is respect for one another, and know when to let a certain situation go or bring it up after every one has rested.

We are committed to each other, our future and the plans we have dreamed about and working towards.  We dream of the girls becoming young women, living their lives.   I am committed to this relationship because I want to be.  Do I love the Mr?  You bet I do, but not just with my heart.  I love and appreciate our commitment to one another.  Most of all, I am committed to and love myself, which was missing in previous relationships.

Please enjoy my serious “old school” jam, how many of you remember this?  Gotta love old school R&B!  Be encouraged!

 

Whitney 

 



 

 

 

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