marriage - cafe mocha reflections

What’s Brewing at The Cafe

June 7, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

Coffee is good this morning and I have quite a bit to share with you all today. Let me get this one off now and get it off my chest. There is an alderman here in St Louis that sent a letter to some of his constituents and friends asking for assistance with his daughter’s tuition. She attends St Xavier University in Chicago and he was asking for $14,000, that’s what he was short of her $38,000 total. You can read about it here. This was major news around here, all the news stations were trying to interview him, he had no shame and said it was nothing wrong with what he did. He has now said that he will not take any money. My husband says he has been an alderman since True, Alderman Bosley didn’t break any law, but the letter started with “This is Alderman Bosley”. St Louis politicians are truly an interesting bunch, I’ve never lived in a city where there were so many municipalities and how they all waste money. I normally don’t talk about politics, but I wanted to mention this because it was a hot mess.

My daughter is smitten with a boy from our hometown of Kansas City. She reunited with him on our brief stay there last year. They have stayed in touch and guess what?? He’s coming here with his mother next week to visit. I. Am. Not. Ready. For. This. She is so excited, made him a friendship bracelet and wanted to buy him a gift. I told her I thought the bracelet and a nice card was enough. I’m going to speak with the mother to get a good understanding of the visit and what their plans are. I need to know exactly what the plan is so I can go with them. I don’t know if you all think I’m being over protective, but this is my oldest and she’s still awkward with relationships. She has come a long way, she’s able to socialize much better, she is such a loveable person, but she has wanted a boyfriend since she was 15. She told me yesterday she was in love with him. I almost fell down, but I played it off and just talked to her. I will definitely keep you all posted on this. She has come up to me almost every hour to talk about it. The young man is also autistic, but they seem to be pretty good friends. We’ll see. My baby is growing up and she reminds me of that all the time.

I wanted to put a warning out to you all about a company that has been emailing bloggers about advertising on their blogs. I received an email from a company named Media Discovery from the United Kingdom. I get skeptical when I receive random emails from another country (with the exception of Canada). The email went straight to the business, asking if they could advertise on my blog, nothing about reading and enjoying my blog. That put the red warning signs up for me. I went to the BLM group on Facebook and posted the question, and someone suggested that I Google the company with the word scam next to it. Well they aren’t necessarily a scam, but they advertise for gambling sites. Oh no way, gambling is a touchy subject in my family (more on that later), and I don’t want anything on my blog advertising for a service or product like that. They also offered to pay upfront $120 for the year. I deleted the email but wanted to warn you all about this company.

I have a date tonight with my husband! We are going to the banquet for our church’s 20th anniversary. I haven’t decided what to wear yet, but I’m not buying anything new, gonna shop the closet tonight. I would like a new pair of shoes, but I’m passing on spending any money other than what we put out for the tickets. My husband doesn’t want to wear a suit, bless his heart. I’m not gonna push him either, but ya girl will be cute, lol. We are having dinner, jazz musician, a gospel comedian and then some grooving at the end. I love my church, Shalom Church ~ City of Peace. Pictures next week.

I am a contributor for Kokoa Magazine’s June issue. I would like to thank Kita, the editor and founder for the opportunity to write for her magazine. Go check it out, it’s a great online magazine with articles for everyday women like us, no fluff and pretense. Congratulations Kita and continued success.

Have a good weekend everyone and enjoy this unusual cool late spring we are having.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: The Mocha Cafe Tagged With: advertising scams, family, marriage, random, st louis

A Challenge of Love and Marriage

May 20, 2013 by Whitney 32 Comments

Hey everyone, happy Monday. Today I’m gonna share with everyone that you don’t always need to spend a lot of money to have fun. This past Friday was my 1st wedding anniversary. My husband took the day off so we could hang out and spend the day together. The finances were very low because the week before it was Mother’s Day and we just didn’t have it. We decided to take advantage of some good old fashion sight seeing. I was excited, because I still haven’t seen everything here in St Louis and I’ve been here almost 3 years.

I mentioned Friday at The Cafe about how we went down to Laclede’s Landing and the Gateway Arch, didn’t cost us a thing other than parking which was $1.00. This location is downtown and we were on the Mississippi River, so we walked and enjoyed the scenery. It was the first time in a long time there were no expectations, stress or disagreements about anything. No distractions such as bills, jobs or other people and their problems. I had also mentioned that we went to lunch afterward, so let me be more specific about where we ate. It may have sounded like we went to a restaurant, when actually we went to White Castle. I don’t eat there much and he LOVES that place. We drove through the city, picked up our food and went home to watch a movie. Sleep hit us both before we actually put the movie in and the girls were home from school then.

We spent a total of $14 for lunch and parking. We laughed, talked and I remembered why I married him. I asked a lady if she would take our picture and that’s the memory we made. I made a promise that when things get rough to remember why we are together, and not to give up. Money comes and goes, situations causes finances to change, but we are in this together.

I started this 30 Day Marriage Challenge just to see if I could do everything on the list. Actually, it’s not anything on the list that isn’t hard, but certain things that I have neglected as a wife. I’m joining Joi at Rx Fitness Lady on her 7 day blog challenge, I may not do all 7 days, but I will participate as much as I can. The button is on my sidebar on the right, please join us and have some fun. Today is about solving a problem. My problem solving topics is how to have fun on a limited budget and my 30 day marriage challenge. Sometimes in life, it’s all about simplicity, we make things so hard. Have fun, enjoy one another and respect your marriage and/or relationships. Have a good day everyone!

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via imom.com on Pinterest

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: 30 day marriage challenge, family, finances, love, marriage

The Best Time of Day

April 19, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I am a morning person. My husband gets up around 4:30 and I wake up on my own around 5:15, he’s on his way to the basement to do his daily ritual and I start mine. I do my daily bible reading, mediate and pray. I also spend this time of the day to reflect on the day before and my plans for the day. Then I watch a little news until I go check on the girls to see how their morning is going. My oldest is just about ready to leave, she’s a morning person too and greets me with “good morning mom!” and my baby, I have to almost drag her out of the bed. I used to fuss at her but I refuse to allow that to ruin my morning, so I open the door look at her and she gets up and gets started. I love giving the look to my kids.

I function on a greater level in the morning, I’m refreshed, clear thinking and can get so much work done. House cleaning, writing, meetings and running errands all get done early. When I worked in an office environment, I would walk in refreshed and ready to work in a pleasant frame of mind and sometimes cheerful, speaking to everyone until one of my friends reminded me that not everyone was a morning person. Oops, sorry.

My husband and I have some of the best conversations at 3:30 in the morning. That’s when he has rested and clears his mind. It’s also when he is his most open and has a certain vulnerability that he doesn’t usually let out very often. We woke up a many early mornings after my mother-in-law passed away in 2011. We discuss our plans, dreams and goals. Then he turns on the TV and we watch whatever is on MSNBC. I usually fall back asleep by then if we stop talking.

With morning being my favorite time of day means that by 8:00-9:00pm it’s a struggle to stay up, except for Thursday nights. I will not miss Scandal, but I do record it just in case I can’t stay awake to watch it. I try to watch the evening news, spend some time with my girls and then it’s usually lights and TV off by 10:00. It’s important I sleep well at night, women should get plenty of rest.

It’s really been a hard week for our country and I’m praying for peace, our safety and love. What is the best time of day for you?

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Currently, Health & Wellness, Inspirational Tagged With: marriage, mornings, rest, work

Do Women Have Control Issues?

April 9, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it, I have a control problem. It may be mixed with a little OCD, but it’s mostly control. I’m working on it more and more because having to be in control of everything puts so much unnecessary pressure on us as women. We have enough to do, husband, children, work/career and about 1,000 other things. What made all of this come to mind, I was watching one of those wedding dress shows, you know where mom is watching as the daughter tries on about 3-4 different dresses and mom, family or friend doesn’t like any of them. One particular show I was watching and the mother was so determined to have her daughter wear what she wanted instead of allowing the bride to be pick her own wedding dress. The woman was just about in tears because she didn’t like the dress mom was insisting on. Let’s not add when grandma and mom is sitting there with stern faces.

I get it, I know it’s natural to control our lives. If you are raising children, we have control over their lives until they are adults and then they will let you know you no longer have that job. I have to stop myself almost everyday when it comes to my family, especially the girls. Every morning, I have to see what they are wearing to school and yes I have the final say. Most of the time, ~~95%~~ 85% ok 75% I don’t say anything, I try to let them wear whatever they want. I’m trying to teach them how to dress like young women and ironing is necessary. I don’t try to hurt their feelings, I remember how that felt, but what I’m doing is trying to get them to develop good habits on style, looking nice, neat and how people see them. I don’t even try to control to my husband, he’s not having it anyway. My mother was in control of everything, and we rarely questioned her. If we didn’t like something, we went to our own house where we were in charge.

One thing, I have to know where the money is going, I honestly don’t know if I can give that up. My husband and I have an agreement that if it cost over $200 we are suppose to bring it to each other before making the purchase. It works, because most of the time, it’s something major. It all came about when he brought home a DeWalt drill set that he purchased at Home Depot. He walked in the house and immediately started asking me if I was mad at him. My words were, what did you buy? I didn’t object, because that same day I bought my Keurig, but it was under $200. This was two years ago and it works for us and helps me with my control thing. I cringe when he goes to Home Depot, Lowes or Sam’s Club it takes everything I have not to call him to see what he’s buying. I try to go with him because he won’t purchase much when we are together.

Some women are great organizers because of our ability to control or however you want to describe it. I’m relinquishing control of things I can’t change or do anything about. I have enough going on right now and after I try to control the situation or worry about it, I have no control on the outcome, so why do that to myself. Those of us that have to control need to release unnecessary stress, it will make you sick. What about you all, do you have control issues and how do you handle it?

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Family, Health & Wellness, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: children, control, finances, marriage, stress

Your Marriage Your Business

March 26, 2013 by Whitney 16 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta (yes I watch it) and they were talking about Porsha Stewart and her somewhat controlling husband, Kordell Stewart. Although he is controlling, that is their marriage and I am a true believer that you must establish parameters around your marriage when it comes to your girlfriends or associates. You have to, or you will have “friends” like the ones on the reality show telling you that you shouldn’t listen to your husband. I’ll be the first to tell you that my two failed marriages were not just their fault, but I contributed to the ending of the marriage as well.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was to keep your marriage, finances, how often you have sex and how good/bad it is to yourself. I know you want to discuss your excitement about certain things, announcing your pregnancy, receiving a gift, buying a house, things like that. Let’s just keep the personal things between you and your spouse. I get frustrated with certain things in life and will call a girlfriend and vent, but we just don’t go into personal things, it isn’t necessary to have a good talk with your girl. I’m not talking about abuse, if you are experiencing abuse, go here for help please.

I even had to learn that I couldn’t tell my mother my business. Bless her heart, everyone in the family would know what was going on. That was my fault and after an incident where I told her we had come into a little money, she told my nephew that he needed to ask me for a loan for his tuition. I talked to my husband and we did loan my nephew some money and he paid us back. I called my momma, scared at first but I had to ask her why she told my business. She said she didn’t tell him I had the money, just that he should ask me to see what I said. Had to stop from that point with that, I would still ask for advice, just couldn’t tell her my business.

You know I’m not saying to get rid of your friends, not at all. Sometimes, a conversation with your friend is what you need to get you going when you are upset or just need to talk. There are plenty of things you can discuss with your friend besides the intimate of business details of your marriage. Yes marriage is a business, run by you and your spouse. We are Wesley Enterprises, I’m not gonna let Girlfriend LLC come in and tell me what she would do if she were married, or what she wouldn’t put up with. I can vividly remember in the 80s, a co-worker that I had become friends with used to always tell me that she wouldn’t put up if she were in my marriage. Of course, I was giving all details, he don’t do this or that, he’s not working like he should and the list goes on. I would go home, confront my husband and of course we would have the biggest argument. Here’s the kicker…when she met “the one” the same thing she used to tell me that she wouldn’t do, she was doing it herself! When confronted, she had the audacity to tell me this was different. Oh yeah?? I will never forget it, and discussed this with my ex-husband and that’s how you establish life lessons. She never did marry the guy, he told her she had too many issues. Go figure.

Take it from Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul when she says “I don’t want nobody, always sitting around me and my man”. I’m old school about mine. Keep your friends in their lane and they will respect you and your marriage. That’s the best advice I could give in this situation….there are so many other things that make a good marriage, again it’s your business.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Family, Marriage Tagged With: friends, love, marriage, respect

Happy Birthday Honey!

December 4, 2012 by Whitney 6 Comments

Today is my husband’s birthday. He is 57 years old and looks wonderful. I cooked a ribeye dinner for him Sunday, while he watched MSNBC and football in the man cave. I bought him a London Fog jacket and a pair of Levi’s, and he loved it. It doesn’t take much to make this man happy, all it takes is the simple things in life. Have a wonderful day love and we’ll celebrate more over the weekend. Hopefully go listen to a little music and have an adult beverage! MUAH!!!

I’m making a cake for him today….he’ll love that.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: birthday, husband, love, marriage

Within My Reach

November 20, 2012 by Whitney 8 Comments

I never got caught up in getting older, as a matter of fact ~ I looked forward to it. Something about turning 50 this year was different. It certified me as a woman whose wisdom and life experiences are more than I imagined. I’ve always been one to encourage, be that shoulder you could cry on, tell me something in confidence, but when I reflect on things, something I do all the time, everything I ever wanted and desired for my life has always been within my reach. I didn’t achieve them all, not by a long shot, but for the most part I did reach for them. There are still several things that I want to do that is within my reach.

Taking my blog to the next level is within my reach. I am the one holding me back, but I’m gonna start to research putting ads on my blog and doing some guest blogging. I plan to start looking for a new job next year, that’s within my reach and a true hustle. Looking for a full-time job is no joke.

I’ve done so much in my life, lived in different cities, been married a few times, experienced joy, heartache, success and failures. Always within my reach has been my desires and plans, right there where I can grab them. Just there, still reaching for my goals, expanding my horizon. I always ask God to challenge me, when I’m settling or having a hard time in a situation. I keep reaching, even at this time in my life when I’ve been struggling lately. I don’t give up hope or trying to reach those goals.

My husband has been a wonderful friend, love and partner. He has challenged me to reach beyond my normal aspirations. Sometimes I feel he reaches out of my comfort zone, but it’s always with our plans in mind. Comfort zones and security is something I always keep within my reach, I’ll admit that. I have always wanted to have a secure life, haven’t been much of a risk taker when it comes to finances. I’ve been blessed with good jobs, so when I agreed to relocate to St Louis in 2010 I was out of my comfort zone, but I needed a change.

Loving my hair in it’s natural texture is within my reach. I am totally enjoying the transformation of watching my hair grow and embrace it’s texture. It has really grown this year, very proud of it. I know, it’s not for everyone but it’s perfect for me.

Being happy is also with our reach, and I chose to be happy. That’s very important. Happiness, love, truth, security, family, career are well within my reach….and I’m good with that.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Health & Wellness, Lifestyle Tagged With: family, happiness, life, marriage, natural hair

Love and Sensitivity

October 16, 2012 by Whitney 8 Comments

Had a great weekend, me and the hubs got along good and had a restful day yesterday. We talk throughout the day everyday. Sometimes I take him something to eat or drink because he’s diabetic and refuses to take lunch and he needs to eat. I took him something to drink today and as he approaches the truck, and says “boy that gray is really shining!”. Now I’ve been told by him that I wear my feelings on my sleeve, but I had to ask him what was the reason he made that statement, did I look old? Well as he stumbled all over his words trying to find the right thing to say, he just said that I’ve changed so much from when we first met when I had shoulder length, flowing hair. Ok, I’ll give it to him, I don’t wear my hair in a relaxer any more and I’ve gone almost one year without any chemicals in my hair…none. I have quite a bit of gray at my temple and a nice patch on my right front at the top. I am trying hard not to take it personal, but dang dude! I try very hard to be careful of what I say and not offend anyone, even my husband and children. I believe in telling it like it is, keeping it real and all of that, but I also know when I’ve stepped over that line and I’ll be the first to apologize.

I’m sensitive, I won’t apologize for it and by now I’ve accepted that it’s a part of my personality. My husband is tough, sharp tongued and can cut you with words. When I first met him, I didn’t think we were gonna make it and I told him. One thing I found out later, it’s a cover up for a rough life and 34 years in the military. At times though my ultra sensitive side and his bluntness cross each other and cause trouble. I’m proud of myself, I didn’t let it bother me too much, plus he tried hard to clean it up…real hard.

It’s all good, one thing is I’m not apologizing for wearing my hair natural. I’ve changed the way I wear my hair, not the woman I am, I’m still the same woman he met 4 years ago. It took me 50 years to cultivate this woman….I’m caring, generous, bold, opinionated, fun loving, sarcastic and yes sensitive.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: love, marriage, sensitivity

DIY Disaster

October 1, 2012 by Whitney 12 Comments

Yesterday my husband purchased a new ceiling fan for our bedroom. I asked him did he want me to call our guy that does our work around here and he told me he was gonna install it himself. Uh oh I thought, but hey I wanna give him a chance and be supportive. I love watching HGTV & DIY. I would love to take what I see on TV and become one of those people that enjoy renovating and remodeling their homes. I know my limits, but yesterday my husband discovered his. He started about 4:15 and at 9:30 after he snapped at all of us, he ended up taking down the disaster project he tried so hard to install.

Bless his heart, he worked hard trying to install this ceiling fan while I asked questions and read through the manual (which probably irritated him more). He was taking some serious shortcuts, using screws that were meant for something else. I swear he reminded me of Bill Cosby when he used to try and fix things on The Cosby Show. It was hanging up there with the remote control box hanging out and wires everywhere. I asked him if he had planned on leaving those wires hanging like that and he said and I quote “I just wanna get it up there”. That scared the mess out of me because that ceiling fan is right over our bed. I knew by this time he was sick of it, and from the four letter words he was using it was time for him to stop. He told me that he’ll work on it on “one” of his days off. That meant it was gonna dangle over our bed for a few weeks and I wasn’t having that.

After he got the fan hanging on it’s wires installed, he went to turn the electricity back on. Guess what? You got it…nothing came on and apparently my daughters electricity is connected to the ceiling. What. A. Mess. He was hot, I mean steam coming from his forehead! I was finished after sitting in the dark all afternoon, no TV, internet, couldn’t cook or anything. He had the nerve to say we needed to disconnect for a while. Whatever dude, you were watching football before you decided to become the DIY master! It took him another hour to take the ceiling fan down, (thank you Jesus!), connect the wires back and turn the electricity back on. He was tired, hungry, mad at the person that installed the old ceiling fan (huh??) and told me to call Monty next week. Yay! I jokingly said, we aren’t DIY’ers and he agreed.

I didn’t take pictures of the disaster because by the time he got it up, I completely forgot and wasn’t thinking about blogging then. I did tell him I was gonna blog about this so he knows. By the time he finished, it was 9:30, too late to cook or eat. The girls grabbed something out of the refrigerator, he grabbed some junk and I ate some grapes. I took the lamp out of the living room and put it in our room until Monty comes…he’s good, he’s licensed and I’ll gladly pay him.

Did you like this? Share it:

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: home repairs, marriage

Marriage and Finances

September 25, 2012 by Whitney 6 Comments

I know I’m preaching to the choir on this one. This has got to be one of the biggest challenges on a marriage, finances. You think one way and your husband the other. My husband and I talked about money, lifestyle, who would handle the money (me), etc. I thought our plan was foolproof, but that’s not the way life is. I am the CFO of the family, I pay the bills, buy groceries, keep lunch money in the girls account, keep gas in the vehicle. Some weeks I stay on point with the budget, and others…well you know that story. That’s where the challenge comes in, because our finances are a little out of control at the current time.

When we had to buy a refrigerator, washer & dryer and have several repairs done to our home before we could live in it, it set us back and caused us to have a few extra bills we weren’t prepared for. That’s the way life is, but it has put a strain on the budget and at times our relationship. You work through it, but at times it is so stressful. I do a pretty good job sticking to our budget, and those necessary bills we have now will be handled. We don’t argue, we disagree about the budget, go into our separate corners and work this out.

One of the things we are looking at in our budget are things like internet and cable. We recently changed from U-Verse to Time Warner Cable, it’s cheaper but I don’t like it. None of us do, but we are gonna stick to it and see if AT&T comes to us with a better offer. You get what you pay for I must say, that is so true. We’ve had to cut down on eating out, so I’m cooking more. We still waste food, but it’s cheaper than eating out. One of the reasons we ate out this summer it was just too hot to cook, it took all night to cool down the house after I cooked. Now it’s cooler, time for my famous Chicken & Noodles and other comfort food.

I grocery shop and try to find items on sale. There is a small commissary about 5 miles away that I shop at to save money, I really save money and since it’s so close, I go frequently. My husband doesn’t like as he calls it brand X items, so I try to find brand name items on sale when I can. I do go to the Wonder Bread Outlet store, search for the latest date I can find, because you save almost $1.00 on a loaf of bread. We also buy items like toiletries, paper items and trash bags in bulk. I do my best to keep the stress down and keep the budget on track. Challenges keep the relationship interesting to say the least, and I love my husband, so we work through it. Have a great day!

Did you like this? Share it: