love - cafe mocha reflections

Young Love ~ First Date

June 17, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

I enjoy my children and watching them go from babies to the young ladies they are today. My oldest is loving, quiet and loves music. My youngest is inquisitive, athletic, loving and very opinionated. This is their personalities and who God intended for them to be. I knew the phase of boys, love and everything associated with it would happen. Here’s my daughter’s story and her “first date”.

My daughter reconnected with a friend of hers when we were in Kansas City last year. She met him in elementary school and he is autistic, just like she is. They have been planning this meeting/trip for at least a month. My daughter was so excited, talked about it every day this week, I mean every day. I took her to buy a friendship card for him and she picked an appropriate card with my help. The young man, his mom and baby sister (8 months old) arrived around 11:00. We were outside waiting because they took a wrong turn. He introduced himself to me, gave me a firm handshake and hugged my daughter for what seemed like 2 minutes. It was so long, his mother had to tell him they better get going. He was quite the gentleman, opening the door to the minivan for my daughter. The mom gave me their agenda, the Gateway Arch, Museum, lunch and then the zoo. They were gone all day, I wondered how she was doing but I didn’t call. I did send her a text that she didn’t answer. I didn’t freak out, I just figured she was having fun and her phone was in her purse.

I talked to my daughter and explained to her that if she felt uncomfortable at all to call me and I would come and get her. I also made sure she had money to pay for her own food. The plan was for the friend to treat her to lunch but I also told her that she could buy her own lunch and spend her money if there was a problem. I remember my momma having this same talk with me when I started dating. She was prepared and ready for her day with her friend.

They showed up and we were standing outside waiting because they took a wrong turn. He jumped out and hugged her and his mom and I talked for a few minutes…you know getting info on where they were going from the mother, just to make sure everyone was on the same page. They had plenty of water and drinks because they were gonna be outside all day. My daughter’s friend was quite the gentleman, opening the door and helping her in the minivan. They took off and I was happy for my daughter because she doesn’t have many friends and socializing is a challenge for her.

Around 5:00 they showed up and everyone looked worn out, even the poor baby. She had been crying, she was just probably sleepy. I watched as her friend got out of the minivan, ran and opened the door for my daughter. It was so sweet, it really was. She was still smiling, exhausted but happy. The whole crew was tired. Mom ran the day down and how my daughter did, sometimes people with Autism will have melt downs. Seems like she got through the day but she did complain about the baby crying, she’s not used to being around babies. I asked her to apologize, she did and felt bad.

She took some great pictures and we talked about the day and what I asked her how she felt about the young man. She told me they were friends and wouldn’t be able to be girlfriend/boyfriend until after she turned 18. I’m so glad she had a good time and I can live with not having a boyfriend until after she turns 18.

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Filed Under: Currently, Family, Relationships Tagged With: autism, dating, first date, love, teenagers

A Challenge of Love and Marriage

May 20, 2013 by Whitney 32 Comments

Hey everyone, happy Monday. Today I’m gonna share with everyone that you don’t always need to spend a lot of money to have fun. This past Friday was my 1st wedding anniversary. My husband took the day off so we could hang out and spend the day together. The finances were very low because the week before it was Mother’s Day and we just didn’t have it. We decided to take advantage of some good old fashion sight seeing. I was excited, because I still haven’t seen everything here in St Louis and I’ve been here almost 3 years.

I mentioned Friday at The Cafe about how we went down to Laclede’s Landing and the Gateway Arch, didn’t cost us a thing other than parking which was $1.00. This location is downtown and we were on the Mississippi River, so we walked and enjoyed the scenery. It was the first time in a long time there were no expectations, stress or disagreements about anything. No distractions such as bills, jobs or other people and their problems. I had also mentioned that we went to lunch afterward, so let me be more specific about where we ate. It may have sounded like we went to a restaurant, when actually we went to White Castle. I don’t eat there much and he LOVES that place. We drove through the city, picked up our food and went home to watch a movie. Sleep hit us both before we actually put the movie in and the girls were home from school then.

We spent a total of $14 for lunch and parking. We laughed, talked and I remembered why I married him. I asked a lady if she would take our picture and that’s the memory we made. I made a promise that when things get rough to remember why we are together, and not to give up. Money comes and goes, situations causes finances to change, but we are in this together.

I started this 30 Day Marriage Challenge just to see if I could do everything on the list. Actually, it’s not anything on the list that isn’t hard, but certain things that I have neglected as a wife. I’m joining Joi at Rx Fitness Lady on her 7 day blog challenge, I may not do all 7 days, but I will participate as much as I can. The button is on my sidebar on the right, please join us and have some fun. Today is about solving a problem. My problem solving topics is how to have fun on a limited budget and my 30 day marriage challenge. Sometimes in life, it’s all about simplicity, we make things so hard. Have fun, enjoy one another and respect your marriage and/or relationships. Have a good day everyone!

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via imom.com on Pinterest

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: 30 day marriage challenge, family, finances, love, marriage

My Family and Cancer ~ A Sponsored Video

May 16, 2013 by Whitney 12 Comments

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of the American Cancer Society. All thoughts and opinions are my own but I am honored to share my story as part of the American Cancer Society’s 100th Birthday Celebration.

My mother and sister both died of lung cancer. My sister was went through this terrible disease first and mostly by herself. She came to live with me in 1996 to get away from things. I believed she knew something but didn’t share it at the time. She told me when she asked if she could live with me that she wanted us to be closer. We are 15 years apart, she is older. To think that she had to endure that illness without family still haunts me to this day. She moved out and spent the last months of her life with a man as his wife. We found out she was extremely ill about one week before she died. I will never forget that call at 3:00 in the morning, my momma calling me crying that I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I knew it wasn’t good, my daddy took the phone from her and told me the news, my sister was dying. We put a plan in action and got my parents, and her sons to California to see her and spend time with her. The cancer had metastasized to her brain and they told my family she had days left. She was on a respirator and wasn’t able to speak. We couldn’t get many answers but only that she probably had the disease for about 9 months to a year. She held on until my nephew left and she passed away when the plane took off. She was 49, three months shy of her 50th birthday.

Momma’s battle was about the same except we were able to go through this fight with her. Something just wasn’t right about her, she wasn’t paying bills, forgetting things she would never forget. Then one day she fell down the basement stairs at their home and my dad called me. We rushed her to the emergency room and the emergency room doctor came out and asked my daddy if he knew momma had lung cancer. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, my daddy and I was hit hard with that awful news. We took her home and to the doctor and found out what our fears were, it was lung cancer and the cancer was at stage 4. It was heart breaking, watching your mother go through the diagnosis, various treatments including chemotherapy and radiation, while watching her try to be strong. The treatments made her so weak, I knew momma was scared. She asked me if I thought God was gonna get her through this. I told her of course but I was scared too. The treatments made her weak, her hair fall out and she lost a lot of weight. I remember having the conversation with her oncologist that it was nothing else they could do and we scheduled the meeting with hospice for momma. My brother moved back to Kansas City to help and we learned how to take care of our mother. Momma was diagnosed in July 2003 and died December 26, 2003.

One of the reasons I wanted to do this post was to share what my family learned from our experience. Early detection is a key and that means going in for regular checkups, taking better care of ourselves and early detection. The American Cancer Society will be 100 years old this year and with that milestone more lives are being saved because of their dedication and research. They have played a role in most of the cancer research breakthrough in recent history, which means a decline in cancer deaths in our country.

I want to support the American Cancer Society reach their goals by ensuring that their research gets the funding it needs, making sure people get the help they need, access to health care, preventive screenings and improve our quality of life.

Please look at the video from Mary J Blige and share with me how cancer has affected your life. Have a great day everyone.

This post is sponsored by the American Cancer Society.

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Filed Under: Health & Wellness Tagged With: American Cancer Society, death, family, love

A Mother’s Love

May 9, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters. It’s been an experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I didn’t have my first child until I was 33 years old, everyone in the family had given up on the thought of me having any children. Up until then, I was an aunt and had been very comfortable with that position since I was 4 years old. I was a good auntie too, especially when I got older and was able to buy good gifts and help out on an occasion.

In 1996 I had a beautiful daughter, slanted eyes and straight black hair. I just held her and looked at her and would whisper to her, momma’s gonna do everything she can to take care of you. It was bittersweet, because my family wasn’t there for her birth. A few hours after she was born they told me she had jaundice. All I heard was jaundice and brain damage. I lost my mind, I didn’t want to leave my baby at the hospital but I knew she needed the treatment. I was at the hospital with her until they let me bring her home.

Three years later, I discover that I’m gonna have another baby. Surprise, surprise! I was not expecting this because we used birth control, but you know nothing is 100% unless it’s abstinence. My mother was elated, she had told me on several occasions that she didn’t believe in having an only child. I was 37 and felt I was a bit old to be having another child. I had a difficult pregnancy with her, flu, pregnancy high blood pressure. I had to have an amniocentesis and go to the doctor every 3 weeks. It was a struggle but she looked just like her big sister when she was born in 2000, except she was my little chocolate drop.

Now I was a mother of two girls. The house was full of life, toys everywhere and all the duties that come with babies and toddlers. It’s been wonderful being their mother. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to love, mold and show them how to be young ladies. We are entering the phase of teenage years for my youngest and adulthood for my oldest. It’s gonna be hard releasing them into this world, but I know I must do it.

My Mother’s Day gift is to have them here with me beautiful, healthy and very much loved. They want to buy something for me and I’m good with whatever they get. My parents would be so proud of them, I know they are watching over their grand babies.

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Filed Under: Family, Relationships Tagged With: children, love, mother's day, motherhood

One Humbling Experience

May 6, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

If you are like me, you are a proud woman, one that works hard for everything in life. No one has ever given me anything, I’ve always been proud of that. When I had my oldest daughter in 1996, her dad wanted me to stay home and take care of her. I really didn’t want to do that for two reasons, we weren’t married yet and I don’t like not having or making my own money. I know, we’ve discussed this before, it’s a control thing. I was working nights at the time and I couldn’t find decent childcare for my baby. I was living in Los Angeles and the only people I knew were my in-laws and the few friends I made. After trying unsuccessfully to find childcare, I decided to stay at home and enjoy my baby and take care of her. I resigned from my job and that meant giving up benefits.

My ex-husband didn’t have benefits, so he couldn’t add our baby to his insurance. I didn’t like not having insurance for her, so he suggested that I go to the state and put her on medicaid. I was 100% reluctant, and my mother would have jumped on a plane and came to California if she knew he suggested that or that I went to apply for the benefit for my baby. I went to the state facility to apply for medicaid for my daughter. Employees that work for the state or government and deal with the public can be some of the most hardened people because this woman talked to me like I was asking for her money. She wanted to know if I owned a car, had any money in the bank, if my child’s father had a car or any money in the bank. She told me if I was not telling the truth, my baby would be denied. She asked me why I wasn’t working and did I want to apply for welfare. Now remember, I was postpartum so I was sitting there about to cry, but I fought it with everything inside me. I was not gonna let that woman get the best of me.

I left with a bunch of paperwork, and I never looked back, not for one second. I started crying the minute I got to the car. Once I got the baby settled in her carseat and put her stroller in the trunk, I sat in the car and thought, if I have to work 3 jobs, I will never ask for assistance from the state of California again or any state. I had a new determination as I drove home. I never told anyone in my family about this and I was told my ex that I wasn’t taking a handout from the state of California. He thought I was being a little unreasonable but that was his opinion and since I wasn’t his wife yet, I had to think about me and my baby.

The next day I devised a plan to move back to the midwest, where I had family and could find someone to take care of my baby while I worked. My ex-husband said he would go with us. It took me a year to get back to the midwest, but I did it and was working with benefits within a month.

Assistance is available to those who truly need it, I can’t judge what’s right and needed for another person. I know for me at the time, it was a humiliating experience and humbled me to the point where I broke down cried and knew I didn’t want to live that way. I never looked back and kept my focus on making sure my children were provided for and had what they needed to survive. It’s what we do as parents, we want to make sure our children are provided for.

We survived that dark time, I just remembered how it made me feel. There will always be times when you are in a position that humbles you or requires you to reevaluate a situation. How you handle it and your outlook is what makes the difference. I love those girls to pieces.

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Filed Under: Family, Inspirational Tagged With: children, family, humble, love

Prayers For Boston and the World

April 16, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

I am extremely sad about the bombings yesterday in Boston, my prayers go out to everyone affected by the tragedy. It’s so unfortunate that we have to continue to have terrorists live among us. I’m confident they will find who caused this unnecessary tragedy and bring them to justice. I will not live in fear, and it brings this scripture to me when I think about being afraid.

1 Chronicles 28:20 NIV ~ David also said to Solomon his son, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.

Please pray for the people of Boston, for healing, understanding, love and forgiveness.

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Filed Under: Currently Tagged With: boston, fear, love, prayer

Your Marriage Your Business

March 26, 2013 by Whitney 16 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta (yes I watch it) and they were talking about Porsha Stewart and her somewhat controlling husband, Kordell Stewart. Although he is controlling, that is their marriage and I am a true believer that you must establish parameters around your marriage when it comes to your girlfriends or associates. You have to, or you will have “friends” like the ones on the reality show telling you that you shouldn’t listen to your husband. I’ll be the first to tell you that my two failed marriages were not just their fault, but I contributed to the ending of the marriage as well.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was to keep your marriage, finances, how often you have sex and how good/bad it is to yourself. I know you want to discuss your excitement about certain things, announcing your pregnancy, receiving a gift, buying a house, things like that. Let’s just keep the personal things between you and your spouse. I get frustrated with certain things in life and will call a girlfriend and vent, but we just don’t go into personal things, it isn’t necessary to have a good talk with your girl. I’m not talking about abuse, if you are experiencing abuse, go here for help please.

I even had to learn that I couldn’t tell my mother my business. Bless her heart, everyone in the family would know what was going on. That was my fault and after an incident where I told her we had come into a little money, she told my nephew that he needed to ask me for a loan for his tuition. I talked to my husband and we did loan my nephew some money and he paid us back. I called my momma, scared at first but I had to ask her why she told my business. She said she didn’t tell him I had the money, just that he should ask me to see what I said. Had to stop from that point with that, I would still ask for advice, just couldn’t tell her my business.

You know I’m not saying to get rid of your friends, not at all. Sometimes, a conversation with your friend is what you need to get you going when you are upset or just need to talk. There are plenty of things you can discuss with your friend besides the intimate of business details of your marriage. Yes marriage is a business, run by you and your spouse. We are Wesley Enterprises, I’m not gonna let Girlfriend LLC come in and tell me what she would do if she were married, or what she wouldn’t put up with. I can vividly remember in the 80s, a co-worker that I had become friends with used to always tell me that she wouldn’t put up if she were in my marriage. Of course, I was giving all details, he don’t do this or that, he’s not working like he should and the list goes on. I would go home, confront my husband and of course we would have the biggest argument. Here’s the kicker…when she met “the one” the same thing she used to tell me that she wouldn’t do, she was doing it herself! When confronted, she had the audacity to tell me this was different. Oh yeah?? I will never forget it, and discussed this with my ex-husband and that’s how you establish life lessons. She never did marry the guy, he told her she had too many issues. Go figure.

Take it from Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul when she says “I don’t want nobody, always sitting around me and my man”. I’m old school about mine. Keep your friends in their lane and they will respect you and your marriage. That’s the best advice I could give in this situation….there are so many other things that make a good marriage, again it’s your business.

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage Tagged With: friends, love, marriage, respect

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope that you all have a wonderful day for of joy, love and gratitude.

Take time to smell the roses….

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via FTD Flowers on Pinterest

Eat plenty of candy and treats….

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via galeene on Pinterest

And give everyone a big bear hug!

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via Sharon Marshall on Pinterest

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Filed Under: Currently, Lifestyle Tagged With: bears, candy, love, pinterest, roses, valentines day

The First Time I Fell In Love

February 6, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

I messed up, the theme for yesterday was suppose to be for today, and this was for yesterday. All this love talk has me going I guess. I’ll probably skip some of these during the challenge because I wouldn’t have anything to write, not all of them apply to me. I can talk about the first time I fell in love though.

My parents had just dropped me off at Lincoln University, I was 18 ready to tackle this new environment and world on my own. I was nervous and excited at the same time, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was coming from the financial aid office and I saw a young man with his parents, and he noticed me. We exchanged looks as to say, we’ll find each other later.

Sure enough, that evening at the student union, we ran into each other. He was with his cousin and another guy, so he had to play like I was just another girl, you know how young men are. I was mingling, trying to hang with my new roommate, but also running into people from my hometown that I went to high school with. I noticed that he broke away from his boys and made his way toward me, I knew he would come looking for me. I was so nervous, but looking cute I must admit. He introduced himself to me and I told him my name. We started talking, what our major was, who our roommates were, what city we were from and about our families. We had a lot in common, oldest children of our parents who both had second marriages, older siblings almost old enough to be our parents. He was from Columbia, MO which is literally half way between St Louis and Kansas City, a college town. We spent the rest of the evening at the student union talking, then finally it was late and we went to our dorms.

That was Friday night and I didn’t see him until that following Monday, what was going on? Now remember, this is 1980, many years before pagers, cell phones or the internet. He went home that weekend, which was a 30 minute drive from campus. You know I had an 18 year old attitude, thought he was playing or dissing me. After his explanation, I was kind of ok, felt he could have came by the dorm and told me he was going home for the weekend. Anyway, he was sweet, kind, loved music like me and knew how to do the Kansas City two step! Yep, he was entering my heart and the boy could kiss!

Our relationship grew, I started going home with him on occasion weekends to hang out with his family and we had a ball. He had a sister 3 years younger than us and we all had a good time. He came to Kansas City to meet my family and he clicked with my family as well. I loved me some him, sure did. This was the beginning of my first love affair, elation, joy, sensuality, arguments, disappointments and heart break. I wouldn’t change it at all, not one moment.

This is one of my favorite jams by Toni Braxton and describes how we can love a man.

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Filed Under: Relationships Tagged With: first love, love, nablopomo, relationships

Friends With Your Ex?

February 5, 2013 by Whitney 2 Comments

This February challenge for NaBloPoMO is funny to me. I decided to participate because I needed a challenge and love is a favorite topic of mine.

Let me say this, I don’t hold on to the past, not for long anyway. I’m a very forgiving woman, always have been. That’s just how I operate. Being friends with my exes before marriage, hasn’t been a very successful for me because I don’t know where half of them are. I’ve lost a lot of weight since I was with them, so for selfish reasons, I would love to run into a few of them, especially the guy from college. I was soooo in love with him. He wanted to love everyone else, which is why it didn’t work. I am friends with one ex on Facebook, we dated in the mid 80′s, so we are over one another.

I’m not friends with either of my ex-husbands, but that’s more complicated than boyfriends. My girls have no contact with their biological father at all, who is my second husband. Another post, another day and I will blog about this very soon. There is no holding a grudge on my part, we should be civil with one another for our daughters’ sake.

This topic is bringing more the reality than I thought. It’s making me reminisce on how they became an “ex” in the first place? Hmmm, have you all ever thought about that? When I was dating, most of the break-ups were for three reasons: cheating, crazy men, and men wanting my money. Yep, I would break up with you if you appeared crazy to me. I wasn’t taking no chances with being abused by a man because of a bad relationship. It wasn’t worth it to me. I dated a man about 6 years ago that always talked about what a woman did for him. I immediately checked him by saying, I’m a single mother and the only people I spend money on was me and my girls. We dated for almost a year, it wasn’t a good fit and I stopped dating him. We are cordial but not friends, I wouldn’t confide in him about anything.

Wow, I was all over the place on this subject wasn’t I? I will be cordial with an ex-boyfriend or even my ex-husbands, but to hang out and talk to them on a regular basis, nope I’ll pass. What do you ladies think about this one? Here’s one of my favorite break up songs…of course it’s old school. RIP Sugarfoot, the lead singer of the Ohio Players, he died last week from heart failure.