Finding Time For What You Love

Newsboy 2016


I saw a post on Facebook the other day that said do more than just work and pay bills.  I’m so guilty of this and I’ve got to change this.  I make all kinds of excuses why I’m not able to do the things I love.  I just finished training for a job that took 6-1/2 months.  I’m still in training, but the class room part is finished.  I am exhausted and still have a lot of learning to do.  Some of the pressure has left, but it’s applying what I’ve learned….yikes!

I’ve started crocheting and blogging again. Crocheting I never stopped, just didn’t post a lot and I have nothing listed in my Etsy shop at this time.  Blogging, it’s gonna take time to build my following again, but it can be done.  My blog was down for 5 months because I just gave up thinking I would never find the time.  Working 40 hours a week, moving and life has kept me crazy and busy.  I have enough in my head to keep me busy blogging for 2016.

I’m going to have my blog redesigned, keeping the name and tag line. She doesn’t know it yet, but I’m gonna have my friend Kita of Kokoa Media and Branding do my new design. I’m gonna make use of all the tools that will help me prepare blog posts and schedule postings, blog from my iPad when an idea hits me, and work on my small craft business, Cafe Mocha Creations.

This is what I love to do and it’s truly missing in my life. Work, marriage, motherhood and then I find a little bit of time for the other.  It’s about time management, finding time for what I love to do. I work at 6:00-2:30, home to get things done so I can spend time crocheting and blogging.  I need to be in bed no later than 9:30 or it’s not pretty, not at all.  

Last year was eye opening for me, that’s what life is about.  I discovered a few things about myself, marriage, being a mother, the things I thought I wanted in my life, what’s best for me.  Yeah, what’s best for me, time to do more of what I love and less of what makes others happy.  

I share this every year and this year is no different.  It’s not a resolution, its a way we should live everyday.  It was a card that I purchased to send to my friends…think I’ll put it on my desktop of my computer.  

12-26-2011 12 39 15PM


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Hope Inspiration

Hope inspiration was my message today.  Sunday was a different kind of Easter for me.  I stayed home, didn’t attend any church service, and I’m very aware and eternally grateful for Christ giving his life for me.  I’ve been in a deep, almost depressed slump since we moved.  I truly believe that God will place you in situations and show you things when you are spiritually connected to him.  I’ve been praying and trying to figure out what I was gonna do but yesterday I got answers to my quest for what was going on with me.  Hope inspired me today…

I usually watch something on HGTV or DIY because I love to watch how people transform homes or their spaces.  I get excited and think what I would do or what house I would have chosen.  I love Chip & Joanna Gaines.  Today was different, I turned on OWN and Super Soul Sunday was on.  I’ve watched it before, but most of the time I’m at church when it comes on and I don’t DVR the show.  That has changed for me.  It was a marathon on and it started with the interview with Cynthia Bond, author of Ruby, a book I plan to purchase, read and give a review of.  Oprah quoted a line from the book and I immediately shared it with all my social media outlets.



Image courtesy of Keerati


This gave my spirit the hope I was praying for because I felt that everything I was going through, there was no hope.  I was existing, but that was it.  It reminds me of the number of scriptures that teach us about having faith.  This picture is my thought of what I got from that quote and it gives me life.  It spoke to me, time for me to do what I need to make myself happy, no matter what I do.   

I am planting that seed with my class I’m taking, and I’ve enjoyed it so far.  I’ve passed all my test so far and I’m ahead of schedule.  I was so apprehensive about taking the class because of what I believed about myself and what I allowed others in my circle to say.  People pleasing….letting go of that description of myself.  Self absorption, yep gonna do this a little more.  Not in a selfish way, but in a way that will allow me to do things that are satisfying to my soul.  This is what the audacious hope of rooted things means to me.   Hope allows me to exhale.

Taking my Medical Transcription class, Cafe Mocha Creations, Kitsy Lane, and my future endeavors give me life, creates hope.  The love of my family gives me life but that’s not all I need and I’ve made them the center of my life.  Today, planting that seed of hope gives me life.

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One Humbling Experience

07-08-2012 01-1

If you are like me, you are a proud woman, one that works hard for everything in life.  No one has ever given me anything, I’ve always been proud of that.  When I had my oldest daughter in 1996, her dad wanted me to stay home and take care of her.  I really didn’t want to do that for two reasons, we weren’t married yet and I don’t like not having or making my own money.   I know, we’ve discussed this before, it’s a control thing.  I was working nights at the time and I couldn’t find decent childcare for my baby.  I was living in Los Angeles and the only people I knew were my in-laws and the few friends I made.  After trying unsuccessfully to find childcare, I decided to stay at home and enjoy my baby and take care of her.    I resigned from my job and that meant giving up benefits.   My ex-husband didn’t have benefits, so he couldn’t add our baby to his insurance.  I didn’t like not having insurance for her, so he suggested that I go to the state and put her on medicaid.  I was 100% reluctant, and my mother would have jumped on a plane and came to California if she knew he suggested that or that I went to apply for the benefit for my baby.  I went to the state facility to apply for medicaid for my daughter.  Employees that work for the state or government and deal with the public can be some of the most hardened people because this woman talked to me like I was asking for her money.  She wanted to know if I owned a car, had any money in the bank, if my child’s father had a car or any money in the bank.  She told me if I was not telling the truth, my baby would be denied.  She asked me why I wasn’t working and did I want to apply for welfare.  Now remember, I was postpartum so I was sitting there about to cry, but I fought it with everything inside me.  I was not gonna let that woman get the best of me.     I left with a bunch of paperwork, and I never looked back, not for one second.  I started crying the minute I got to the car.  Once I got the baby settled in her carseat and put her stroller in the trunk, I sat in the car and thought, if I have to work 3 jobs, I will never ask for assistance from the state of California again or any state.  I had a new determination as I drove home.  I never told anyone in my family about this and I was told my ex that I wasn’t taking a handout from the state of California.  He thought I was being a little unreasonable but that was his opinion and since I wasn’t his wife yet, I had to think about me and my baby.   The next day I devised a plan to move back to the midwest, where I had family and could find someone to take care of my baby while I worked.  My ex-husband said he would go with us.  It took me a year to get back to the midwest, but I did it and was working with benefits within a month.  Assistance is available to those who truly need it, I can’t judge what’s right and needed for another person.  I know for me at the time, it was a humiliating experience and humbled me to the point where I broke down cried and knew I didn’t want to live that way.  I never looked back and kept my focus on making sure my children were provided for and had what they needed to survive.  It’s what we do as parents, we want to make sure our children are provided for.   We survived that dark time, I just remembered how it made me feel.  There will always be times when you are in a position that humbles you or requires you to reevaluate a situation.  How you handle it and your outlook is what makes the difference.  I love those girls to pieces.  

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Teach and Love With Truth




I take my role as a mother very seriously as most of you do.  I want them to reach for the stars, try new things and live the best life.  I could handle their activities when they were younger, it was tight but I did it.  As they get older, that price doubles at times triples!  It’s hard telling them at times we can’t afford certain activities but I promised myself I would always tell them the truth.   I don’t go into detail but I explain to them the reason why we can’t do a certain activity.  Do they always understand, no but they are troopers and show me they can handle the truth.  

I was a very active teenager, I wasn’t in everything…let’s just say I did have my picture in the yearbook more than just the class section.  Yes, I went to high school several generations ago, but my parents had to tell me that I couldn’t participate in a certain activity.  The one that comes to mind and will always be the most vivid is missing prom in my senior year.  I went to prom in my sophomore year as an user, twice in my junior year, but I missed my senior year.  All my friends went our senior year, all of them.  They came by my house right before they went to prom and let me see them all dressed up and pretty.  My momma’s thinking was I went twice the year before, this last one wasn’t bad.  I was crushed, but I survived it.  Don’t feel bad, I was able to attend all the other senior activities and eventually got over missing the prom.  

When my mother was my age and going through menopause I didn’t understand a thing about what she was going through.  Momma was the kind of woman that kept personal stuff to herself.  She may have shared it with her friends, and I’m sure my daddy knew but I didn’t.  I was a young adult at the time.  My girls ask me when something isn’t right, they know when I’m out of whack.  I just explain that I’m tired and my youngest always ask me, why are you so tired?  I explained to my daughter that I’m at that age when things start to change and some days are better than others, which includes me being tired all the time.  I told her that all women will go through this at one point in their life.  I always try to keep it light but discuss life with them, it’s so important.

The truth also includes making sure my girls understand how to respect and understand when someone with a certain amount of wisdom speaks to them and at times has a lesson to share.  This is the stage that we are entering now, about being a young woman, what to seek in life and how to recognize the truth in people.  My momma didn’t talk much about life with me, and I understand why.  I talk about life everyday to my girls, I tell them how much I love them and how proud I am of them.  I want them to have confidence and not lack from not understanding that life happens.  That’s the best truth I can share with them.

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Never Say Never


Those three words can change your life and way of thinking.  I’ve said it before, many times.  It’s life.  We live, learn and hopefully gain wisdom from our mistakes and life lessons.  

Two days of labor and no epidural, I swore I wasn’t having any more children.  I remember saying that, yep sure did.  I thought, how and why do women have more than one or two children?  If I close my eyes and click three times, I can feel those pains again!  Four years later I had my second and last child.  I was 38 years old and chances were pretty good I wasn’t doing that again.  

After my last divorce  I said, I’ll never marry again.   Ok I did it again and believe me when I say we are taking it one day at a time, some days good and some not so good.  I’m 51 and I’m still learning about relationships, commitment, what love really means.  

Most of the time when we say “never again” it’s after we’ve done something that we either don’t want to do again and was a major challenge.  At times we say it after failure, and if that’s the reason we should keep on pushing until something happens.  When working towards your goals and dreams don’t allow the word “never” to stop you.   Be willing to try and do things that will help you reach your goals.  

Reach out to people that are working towards the same goals or have achieved the greatness you are working towards.   Admit you need help and network, in real life and online, an awesome tool.   Google hangouts seem to be very popular these days, one way to network online.  Attend local events that you are interested in.  I try to attend when I can, mostly blogging get togethers.  A support system, belief in yourself and perseverance will help you never say never…..again.

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Romantic At Heart



Yes, I am…I love a good love story, song, video of a couple getting married.  You name it, I like it.  I have always been that way, since I was a girl.  One of my favorite movies about love and romance is “Mahogany”.  I was about 13 when I saw Diana Ross and Billy Dee Williams in that movie.   That also started my admiration of Billy Dee Williams.  I know you all are laughing, but it’s true.  She was a fashion design student that left Chicago  to pursue her modeling/designer career.  Then the photographer had this obsession with her and the whole thing became…..ummm complicated.  

My favorite quote from the film is made by Brian (Billy Dee Williams) to Tracey (Diana Ross) “Let me tell you something…success is nothing, NOTHING without someone you love to share it with.”  Remember I was 13 and thought, I want a love like that.  My head was in the clouds after I left the movie, and my thoughts and perception of love have always been romantic and in the clouds.

I wasn’t a fan romance novels though, I just believed in love and happily ever after.   Probably should have read the romance novels, huh?  I just wanted the happy ending for anyone I knew that was in love.  I was a dreamer, boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence and have 2.5 kids.

Then reality set in and I fell in love and saw how it really works.  I wanted everything to be perfect, I wanted to be the last thing he thought about at night and the first thing he thought about in the morning.  I thought about him that way.  Didn’t work that way, he was 18, this was our first time away from home and he didn’t “act” right.  I had to do some growing up and turned to my girlfriends for advice when I went home on the weekends.  A little crying, planning a blanket party and then saying forget about him is how we did it.  Do you all know what a blanket party is??

I can see a movie or video and will watch it and smile like I know they people personally.  I love when people are in love.  I love my husband, dearly, he’s not the most romantic man, but he tries…sometimes.  Bless his heart.  Enjoy this video, it’s kind of long but the video captures his love for her.  Read their story here on Black and Married With Kids.



Life, love, children, divorce and finding love again is the reality for me.   I’m still a romantic at heart….


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Garden of Passion ~ Labor of Love

Passion is a decision about how we approach life before it becomes a feeling ~ Joyce Meyer

When you do something that you enjoy, makes you happy and don’t mind sharing it with others, that’s an example of a labor of love or having a passion about something.   I met a gentleman last week that has about an 1/2 acre behind his home and is growing all kinds of vegetables, greens, tomatoes, peppers, bell peppers and much more.  He’s a friend of my husband, whom he met while at work.  I was very grateful and humbled that he would send plenty of vegetables home for me to cook for my family.  I went over to his house last week to meet him, very gentle and friendly man who said he does this as a “labor of love”.  This is much more than a hobby.  When I saw his garden, I was floored, I couldn’t believe what I saw.  He had purchased the land next to him and two lots behind him and has created this massive garden.  I called it a mini farm.  


These pictures only gives you a glimpse of the garden, it’s huge.


Mr. Hollins uses no chemicals, so the vegetables are of regular size, the colors of the vegetables are rich and vibrant.  It took me all day between working, picking and cleaning Turnip greens, cleaning tomatoes and green peppers.  I put the greens in the freezer to cook this fall, probably for Thanksgiving and use the bell peppers and tomatoes now.  

I went back to take pictures of his garden because I wanted to write about his dedication and passion for his labor of love.  This garden is beautiful and I can imagine the neighborhood loves the aroma that comes from it.   I was invited to come back anytime I wanted some vegetables.  I will have to keep that invitation open because I will be going back.  

During my question to find my passion, I hope that I’m as dedicated and have my heart into my passion as Mr. Hollins does.  You can truly see his labor of love.  



This is my new friend Lucky, I think he felt left out or is the neighborhood watch dog.  Anyway, he was so cute.


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Finding My Happy



I let my happy leave me for a while, I was miserable without it.  I was walking around existing but wasn’t happy.  It’s been a long year for me.  I’m happy to say I’m turning the corner off that lost street I was traveling down.  I’m making my health and happiness a priority for me.  If I don’t take care of myself, how can I truly take care of my family like I should?

There’s a commercial for Ford where a customer is asked a question, do you take better care of yourself or your car?  Of course all of the answers were their vehicle.  I though about that for a few minutes and how we sometimes take care of everyone and everything better than ourselves.  I was very guilty of this and that’s where my breakthrough came in.  I love my family, but when I spend all my spare time taking care of everyone else, I’m too tired or caught up to take time for my own well being.  

This past year has been a challenge, but the last few months have been extremely challenging for me.  My stress level was at an all time high, I didn’t have any ambition or desire to do anything but stress.  We have a lot of things going on and  I was worrying full-time, 24-7.  It was almost like I was on auto function, I was here in the flesh, but I was truly not there.   Here I was, a woman of faith who has a relationship with God, but I wasn’t allowing him to be a presence and truly handle situations that I wasn’t capable of handling.  I was at the point that I was starting to question everything, my marriage, my decision to work from home, my relationships that I had with others.  The only thing I was attempting to do my best was being a mother, but it wasn’t enough.  I was starting to lose it.  

Somewhere in the dust and the mess, I allowed my stress and issues to overwhelm me.  I’ve cleared my head, including the way I see myself.  Holding on to a my former self has been holding me back emotionally for almost three years.  I’ve realized that earlier this year and have been trying to leave that in my past.  It was who I was at the time, single mom, gainfully employed, home owner and a God fearing woman that was very active in church activities.  I’ve been holding on to that woman because I was proud of her.  It has been a struggle with the role I have now, but I wanted this, a husband, someone else to make decisions with, grow old with like my parents did.  I wanted my husband to be the head of the house, and I still want that.  I had to finally let go of my past and look forward to my future, the girls becoming young women and pursuing their dreams, spending time with my husband, writing, making jewelry and some traveling.  

I’m still a work in progress, remember I’m smack in the middle of menopause.  I’m all over the place, but letting go of a lot of stress has helped immensely.  I’m back and have a lot of things I want to write about…my life.  I’ve already shared my struggle with my weight, and it’s a daily commitment I must make to myself.  I miss you guys and thanks for hanging in there with me and keeping me in your prayers.

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Young Love ~ First Date

I enjoy my children and watching them go from babies to the young ladies they are today.   My oldest is loving, quiet and loves music.  My youngest is inquisitive, athletic, loving and very opinionated.  This is their personalities and who God intended for them to be.  I knew the phase of boys, love and everything associated with it would happen.  Here’s my daughter’s story and her “first date”. 

My daughter reconnected with a friend of hers when we were in Kansas City last year.  She met him in elementary school and he is autistic, just like she is.  They have been planning this meeting/trip for at least a month.  My daughter was so excited, talked about it every day this week, I mean every day.  I took her to buy a friendship card for him and she picked an appropriate card with my help.  The young man, his mom and baby sister (8 months old) arrived around 11:00.  We were outside waiting because they took a wrong turn.  He introduced himself to me, gave me a firm handshake and hugged my daughter for what seemed like 2 minutes.  It was so long, his mother had to tell him they better get going.   He was quite the gentleman, opening the door to the minivan for my daughter.  The mom gave me their agenda, the Gateway Arch, Museum, lunch and then the zoo.  They were gone all day, I wondered how she was doing but I didn’t call.  I did send her a text that she didn’t answer.    I didn’t freak out, I just figured she was having fun and her phone was in her purse.  

I talked to my daughter and explained to her that if she felt uncomfortable at all to call me and I would come and get her.  I also made sure she had money to pay for her own food.  The plan was for the friend to treat her to lunch but I also told her that she could buy her own lunch and spend her money if there was a problem.  I remember my momma having this same talk with me when I started dating.  She was prepared and ready for her day with her friend.

They showed up and we were standing outside waiting because they took a wrong turn.  He jumped out and hugged her and his mom and I talked for a few minutes…you know getting info on where they were going from the mother, just to make sure everyone was on the same page.  They had plenty of water and drinks because they were gonna be outside all day.  My daughter’s friend was quite the gentleman, opening the door and helping her in the minivan.  They took off and I was happy for my daughter because she doesn’t have many friends and socializing is a challenge for her.   


Around 5:00 they showed up and everyone looked worn out, even the poor baby.  She had been crying, she was just probably sleepy.  I watched as her friend got out of the minivan, ran and opened the door for my daughter.  It was so sweet, it really was.  She was still smiling, exhausted but happy.  The whole crew was tired.  Mom ran the day down and how my daughter did, sometimes people with Autism will have melt downs.  Seems like she got through the day but she did complain about the baby crying, she’s not used to being around babies.  I asked her to apologize, she did and felt bad.  

She took some great pictures and we talked about the day and what I asked her how she felt about the young man.  She told me they were friends and wouldn’t be able to be girlfriend/boyfriend until after she turned 18.  I’m so glad she had a good time and I can live with not having a boyfriend until after she turns 18.


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A Challenge of Love and Marriage


Hey everyone, happy Monday.  Today I’m gonna share with everyone that you don’t always need to spend a lot of money to have fun.  This past Friday was my 1st wedding anniversary.  My husband took the day off so we could hang out and spend the day together.  The finances were very low because the week before it was Mother’s Day and we just didn’t have it.  We decided to take advantage of some good old fashion sight seeing.  I was excited, because I still haven’t seen everything here in St Louis and I’ve been here almost 3 years.  

I mentioned Friday at The Cafe about how we went down to Laclede’s Landing and the Gateway Arch, didn’t cost us a thing other than parking which was $1.00.  This location is downtown and we were on the Mississippi River, so we walked and enjoyed the scenery.  It was the first time in a long time there were no expectations, stress or disagreements about anything.  No distractions such as bills, jobs or other people and their problems.  I had also mentioned that we went to lunch afterward, so let me be more specific about where we ate.  It may have sounded like we went to a restaurant, when actually we went to White Castle.  I don’t eat there much and he LOVES that place.  We drove through the city, picked up our food and went home to watch a movie.  Sleep hit us both before we actually put the movie in and the girls were home from school then.

We spent a total of $14 for lunch and parking.  We laughed, talked and I remembered why I married him.  I asked a lady if she would take our picture and that’s the memory we made.  I made a promise that when things get rough to remember why we are together, and not to give up.  Money comes and goes, situations causes finances to change, but we are in this together.  

I started this 30 Day Marriage Challenge just to see if I could do everything on the list.  Actually, it’s not anything on the list that isn’t hard, but certain things that I have neglected as a wife.  I’m joining Joi at Rx Fitness Lady on her 7 day blog challenge, I may not do all 7 days, but I will participate as much as I can.  The button is on my sidebar on the right, please join us and have some fun.  Today is about solving a problem.  My problem solving topics is how to have fun on a limited budget and my 30 day marriage challenge.  Sometimes in life, it’s all about simplicity, we make things so hard.   Have fun, enjoy one another and respect your marriage and/or relationships.  Have a good day everyone!


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