cafe mocha reflections

Fashion Trends I Can No Longer Wear

May 7, 2013 by Whitney 14 Comments

I consider myself to be fashion forward, have style and try to keep up with trends that fit my age, style and body type. You can see I have some style from my Polyvore activities. It’s one thing I just have a hard time working with, skinny jeans. The word “skinny” should have let me know they weren’t for me, not this woman. I own two pair and they are the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever owned. I have them in the correct size, but my issue is I’m bottom heavy, hips and thighs. They suck the life out of my poor thighs when I wear them! If I buy them too big, then they are huge in the waist.

I always wear a long top, whether it’s a sweater, t-shirt or tunic because I believe I need the coverage. Being bottom heavy, I try to be distracting if you know what I mean. One thing about me, if it’s not comfortable, it gets eliminated. I tried but I’m gonna have to put my skinny jeans to rest. I can pick an alternative like straight leg, they have more thigh room. I don’t typically wear jeans when the weather warms up because they are too hot, but with spring coming in so late I’m still wearing jeans and pants. These ankle slacks work well for me during the warmer months and I can put boots on with them during fall and winter months.

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via Marie Denee, The Curvy Fashionista on Pinterest

This is a nice alternative for me, not as restricting and gives more.

I always wear a long top, whether sweater, t-shirt or tunic because I believe I need the coverage. One thing about me, if it’s not comfortable, it gets eliminated. I tried but I’m gonna have to put my skinny jeans to rest. I can pick an alternative like straight leg, they have more thigh room. I don’t typically wear jeans when the weather warms up because they are too hot, but with spring coming in so late I’m still wearing jeans and pants. I plan to add them to my donate bag and give them away this summer.

The next trend that I tried but can’t do is platform stilettos that are over 4 inches with a 1 inch platform. Anything over that, I can’t do. We are talking sprang ankles and other serious injury here. I can’t walk in them, I walk like Herman the Monster, not a good look. I love most of them, some are too high, but I definitely stay in my lane with these, I don’t even play. This reality happened about two years ago, I bought a cute pair of slingback, platform pumps and walked all over the store in them. I pulled them out to wear to church and about broke my neck in them. I was gonna take them back, but I had them so long I decided to keep them and give them to my best friend when she came to town last year. She loved them and I was glad they had a good home. I love the stilettos but they are out of my league.

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via Cassie Washington on Pinterest

These are more my style and comfort level, I own quite a few pairs of wedges. They are versatile and I can wear them with dresses or slacks. Now I will say if they are 5 inches or more I can’t do them either. I really like these.

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via Meggan Delmonico on Pinterest

I always take a pair of flats with me when appropriate, I know I will need them by the end of the evening or after church. If I’m are attending an event where I will be on my feet for a while, I always take my flat ballerinas that roll up and go in my purse.

Just a few changes I’m making regarding my style. Style is important, but what is equally important is comfort. How do you make the trends work for you?

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Filed Under: Fashion and Style Tagged With: fashions for over 50, jeans, shoes, slacks, style

One Humbling Experience

May 6, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

If you are like me, you are a proud woman, one that works hard for everything in life. No one has ever given me anything, I’ve always been proud of that. When I had my oldest daughter in 1996, her dad wanted me to stay home and take care of her. I really didn’t want to do that for two reasons, we weren’t married yet and I don’t like not having or making my own money. I know, we’ve discussed this before, it’s a control thing. I was working nights at the time and I couldn’t find decent childcare for my baby. I was living in Los Angeles and the only people I knew were my in-laws and the few friends I made. After trying unsuccessfully to find childcare, I decided to stay at home and enjoy my baby and take care of her. I resigned from my job and that meant giving up benefits.

My ex-husband didn’t have benefits, so he couldn’t add our baby to his insurance. I didn’t like not having insurance for her, so he suggested that I go to the state and put her on medicaid. I was 100% reluctant, and my mother would have jumped on a plane and came to California if she knew he suggested that or that I went to apply for the benefit for my baby. I went to the state facility to apply for medicaid for my daughter. Employees that work for the state or government and deal with the public can be some of the most hardened people because this woman talked to me like I was asking for her money. She wanted to know if I owned a car, had any money in the bank, if my child’s father had a car or any money in the bank. She told me if I was not telling the truth, my baby would be denied. She asked me why I wasn’t working and did I want to apply for welfare. Now remember, I was postpartum so I was sitting there about to cry, but I fought it with everything inside me. I was not gonna let that woman get the best of me.

I left with a bunch of paperwork, and I never looked back, not for one second. I started crying the minute I got to the car. Once I got the baby settled in her carseat and put her stroller in the trunk, I sat in the car and thought, if I have to work 3 jobs, I will never ask for assistance from the state of California again or any state. I had a new determination as I drove home. I never told anyone in my family about this and I was told my ex that I wasn’t taking a handout from the state of California. He thought I was being a little unreasonable but that was his opinion and since I wasn’t his wife yet, I had to think about me and my baby.

The next day I devised a plan to move back to the midwest, where I had family and could find someone to take care of my baby while I worked. My ex-husband said he would go with us. It took me a year to get back to the midwest, but I did it and was working with benefits within a month.

Assistance is available to those who truly need it, I can’t judge what’s right and needed for another person. I know for me at the time, it was a humiliating experience and humbled me to the point where I broke down cried and knew I didn’t want to live that way. I never looked back and kept my focus on making sure my children were provided for and had what they needed to survive. It’s what we do as parents, we want to make sure our children are provided for.

We survived that dark time, I just remembered how it made me feel. There will always be times when you are in a position that humbles you or requires you to reevaluate a situation. How you handle it and your outlook is what makes the difference. I love those girls to pieces.

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Filed Under: Family, Inspirational Tagged With: children, family, humble, love

What’s Brewing at The Cafe

May 4, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

It’s the weekend baby! I have my coffee and a touch of optimism (just a touch) because my internet has been acting up again. My service was down all day yesterday. I know, I wish AT&T would figure out the problem because this hurts and interrupts my flow. This will be the tenth visit because of intermittent service. Now it’s time to request some serious credit on our account, really. I had to give up work because of no internet, writing that I’m working on, guess I’ll have to dig out my journal and start writing to get finished up. It’s funny, you don’t know how much you depend on something until it’s taken away. Life before the internet, smartphones, tables and social media?

This past week, I was a featured blogger on The Sexy Single Mommy for a post I wrote about my online dating experience last year. It was my honest take on the subject of online dating. Thanks to Ty at The Single Sexy Mommy for featuring my story. She is a fellow BLM blogger.

Scandal….what can I say? All I gotta say is I need to watch it again, it was all over the place! People on Twitter really crack me up, some people actually were gonna quit watching it if Liv & Fitz did their thing. Yes it’s wrong for the President to be having an affair, it’s wrong for anyone to have an affair outside their marriage. It’s entertainment to me, I don’t take it that seriously. Do I love watching the show? Yes, I sure do. It’s a change from all the reality shows that the networks come up with about every 90 days it seems. I watch those too, but it’s nice to watch a real prime time TV drama. I do like the Law & Order series too.

Photo credits ABC

We attended the honors ceremony for my oldest daughter Thursday night and I was amazed at how my daughter has turned into a young woman. It’s time to start applying for secondary education, leaning towards community college because she is a candidate for the A+ Program in the state of Missouri. They will pay for 2 years of college for high school seniors that maintain a 3.5 GPA. She has to do community service work which will be a challenge, but the school is working with us to find a solution for her because of her autism. I am so excited that she will be a senior next year and how she is discovering the world around her. I love watching both of my girls grow up and discover their worlds.

My youngest rocked her curly fro this week, I’m so proud of her for not being ashamed to wear her hair natural and wearing it with pride. It’s been a long two years since we started transitioning her hair from relaxed to natural. Her hair broke off and I felt so guilty for putting a relaxer on it. She begged and I gave in. It was beautiful but started to break off after she had it about 3 months. I had braids put in her hair and she wore them for almost 2 years. I cut the ends and she started wearing twist, coils, puffs and her afro this week. She wants it flat ironed and this fall I will allow her to wear it flat ironed, but no chemicals. I love this picture of her, she’s really growing up.

How was your week? Share some of you week with me. Next week we’ll prepare for Mother’s Day, I want to pay tribute to the women we are and how we have raised or raising our families. If you work outside the home, stay at home or anything in between, I want to honor you all. Have a good weekend and make sure you let your family know what you want for Mother’s Day next week.

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Filed Under: The Mocha Cafe Tagged With: children, guest blogger, mother's day, parenting, random, scandal

Pink and Sparkly

April 29, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

Wow, spring is here and it’s more beautiful than ever. This season is such a wonderful time of year as gorgeous flowers peak through with their color and scent. As the days become longer and the nights become warmer, my mind is filling with ideas as a pretty major event that is looming on the horizon – the prom! I hope my daughter attends next years Prom, but this years – the dresses are simply too gorgeous to not share! I’ve found some wonderful choices for this year’s big event, and they are all stylish, beautiful, and flattering too! Take a look at some of my choices if my daughter were to attend this year and let me know what you think!

This one, from David’s Bridal, is a high-low dress in pink chiffon with sparkles and beading on the neckline. It’s strapless, so it really shows off the neck and it will be perfect with a sparkling necklace. I love the scalloping on the hem; it’s very delicate. The high front is great for showing off her pretty legs.

Now this one is a gorgeous gown from Adrienne Papell found at Nordstroms, with embellished mesh. I love the look of this dress. The dresses from this line are always very feminine and elegant too. I love the sweeping feel of this gown. It’s a divine choice and I know it would look beautiful on my daughter for the big night, no doubt about it.

Here’s my third choice, and it’s a knockout. This lace prom dress from ASOS has this amazing fitted waist and a skirt that flares out like a tutu. It’s all in black lace with an amazing neckline. I think it’s just right for dancing the night away. This one will look beautiful with black pumps, and maybe some color or sparkling jewelry around the neck. I love the way this dress feels very girlish but sophisticated at the same time.

Reviewing the various options in dresses, I definitely hope that my daughter attends Prom at least once during her high school career; it’s a night in which she will get to feel like a princes, and that is an experience that every young lady deserves to have at least once. I’m sure you’ll agree that all three of these dresses are beautiful, and it’s going to be a difficult choice deciding on the right one. Tell me in the comment section below about what dress-styles you like!

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle Tagged With: daughter, family, pink, prom

What’s Brewing at The Cafe

April 26, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

We survived the last 3 weeks and was able to watch Scandal last night. It was so sad but intense as usual. Huck, what can I say, a very complicated man that needs psychological help. Lawd!! I don’t think anyone was expecting the history of Huck but we do understand his character a little better now. Guillermo Diaz plays that role, I couldn’t see anyone else playing Huck. Did you see the previews for next week where it looks like Cyrus may try to get rid of Oliva??? Gonna be a long summer without it, but we’ll survive….I guess. The hashtag said it all last night #scandalobesessed, that says it all. It’s a great drama and I enjoy watching it.

I had the pleasure of meeting Michelle from Divas With A Purpose on Tuesday. She is a beautiful woman with a wonderful spirit and great connection. She was in town for business and I went to her hotel to spend a few minutes with her. We sat in the lobby and talked about our families, marriage and then took this cute picture. We didn’t have time to go to dinner, but it was nice connecting with someone that I met in the blog world. The nice bellman took our picture for us.

I’ve been going to the STL blogger meet ups and connecting with some nice people at the events. I think I’m gonna plan one, very easy just pick a place that’s easy for everyone to get to, we usually do happy hour and talk about blogging, exchange cards and connect. We went to a place right around the corner from me, very nice restaurant Granite City Food & Brewery. Next month we are going to McDonald’s for breakfast, interesting.

I have been working a lot lately, trying to make money for everything, bills, house, kids, etc. I have one wish this year and that’s to go to Blogalicious in Atlanta. I am trying to save so I can pay my fees by the due date which is the end of May. I’m working on it, which means I have to cut back on several other things. I even considered applying to volunteer, but I would have to spend 4 days away from home, something I haven’t done. I may still consider it, I’ll probably really need the vacation by then. Have any of you bloggers been to Blogalicious or any conferences? The BLM girls are having a conference in Las Vegas, I can’t do both and I had planned on Blogalicious before I found out about the BLM conference. I was born in Atlanta and have never been back since my daddy was transferred when he was in the Navy.

No plans for the weekend, work, grocery shopping and church on Sunday. Of course, the girls want to go shopping. I’m working on them. I told them they needed to start tithing their allowance. I wish I could have taken a picture of their faces when I said that, too funny. I guess they understood, it’s all about planning and what’s important. I want them to have good spending habits, I’ll probably still give them money for church, just want them to be conscious of tithing. What are your plans? Have a great weekend ladies, I love this song by Anthony Hamilton…enjoy.

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Filed Under: The Mocha Cafe Tagged With: blogger meet up, budget, conferences, family, random, scandal

Protect Your Identity

April 23, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

Image courtesy of chanpipat via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Saturday I received a call from our bank wanting to verify some purchases made with our debit cards. We were both home Saturday, the call came in at about 9:00am. It was an automated system and they started asking about purchases made on Saturday at Walmart. Neither one of us had been out of the house so I immediately got very nervous. When I verified that neither one of us had made the purchases, I was transferred to a representative that told me she had to cancel my husband’s debit card because someone had been fraudulently using it. The purchases were made in Pennsylvania and South Carolina. I began asking all kinds of questions, she reassured me that they protect our account and are covered 100% by the bank. It was truly scary sitting there listening to how someone was trying to spend our money that we worked hard for. It makes you vulnerable, we have so much that we have to do in this life, now we have to make sure someone isn’t trying to steal our identity or hard earned money?

One of the grocery store chains here had a security breach and people all over the metropolitan St Louis area that shopped at that store and used their debit cards were having fraudulent activity on their cards. I’m sure we were a part of that because my husband goes their while he’s working to purchase lunch. They are talking big lawsuit here, just gotta investigate and see if that’s where they got our info from.

Less than two weeks ago, I was watching the Rikki Lake Show and the episode was about identity theft and fraud. I heard some horror stories how people have had their identity stolen and how hard it was to repair your credit and get your life back in order. One woman even investigated her own case and found the woman that had stolen her identity. She called the police and confronted the woman who ran from her. I watched the rest of the show and the experts that she had on the show said we could do the following things to protect ourselves:

1. Don’t pay for gas at the pump, go inside and use credit instead of debit.

2. Don’t use ATM’s that you can drive up, try going inside to a machine.

3. Use cash as much as possible.

I can probably adhere to all of those, not using the ATM will be tough, I’m so used to going to one and then going on my way. The expert that Rikki Lake had on the show said that thieves have a device that they put inside ATM card reader that when you swipe your card, they get your information. She recommended that we not use the ATM”s outside, go inside and use the ATM machines. We all shop online and I may have to start using Paypal more. It’s supposed to be more secure, I have a Paypal account and I will utilize it more.

You may also want to check everyone in your household’s credit, even the children because their identity can be stolen too. One woman on the show spent two years trying to clear up her teen aged daughters credit. None of us are protected against these thieves, so we have to be proactive. We have considered Lifelock but we just don’t want another bill at this time, but it may be worth it.

I don’t like carrying cash, because I feel like I spend more when I have it, but I’m gonna have to start using the cash option. Protect your identity, it’s the only one you have. Have any of you been victims of identity theft and do you have any other tips to share on protecting your identity?

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Filed Under: Currently, Lifestyle Tagged With: credit, fraud, identity theft

Budget Sequestration Hits Home

April 22, 2013 by Whitney 12 Comments

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ok I’m gonna be a little self indulgent this morning because I’m in shock. I’m an avid news watcher, I keep up on what’s going on in our country and the world. When I’m behind, my husband keeps me informed. The budget sequestration that the US Government has set up is about to affect us all in one way or another. As you all know, my husband is retired military and we go the Scott Air Force Base probably twice a month to grocery shop. You can’t beat the prices especially on meat. It’s about a 30 minute drive, that’s why I only go twice a month. Every quarter they have a Case Lot Sale, where they offer huge savings on bulk items and other things, mostly bulk. I called to find out when the next Case Lot Sale and I was informed that because of sequestration, it’s cancelled until next May. The woman on the phone said they would have “sidewalk sales” but couldn’t give me any dates.

To say that I was disappointed was an understatement. We like to stock up on certain things and the Case Lot sale allows us to do that. I know there’s Sam’s Club and Costco, but when you shop at the commissary we don’t pay sales tax, and when you are spending $100-200, that’s a nice savings. Besides, when we go to Sam’s Club or Costco, we always spend a lot of money on things we don’t need. Don’t let us go out there hungry, we taste all the food they are cooking and end up buying the food. They do that on purpose, marketing is everything in those stores. We don’t have those distractions with the Case Lot sales, they are outside in the parking lot, and no one cooking and trying to sell you food you don’t need. Gotta sit down and figure out a new strategy.

It’s really new, but the new budget is working so far. We’ll see, summer is coming and the girls need a few new pieces. I’ll just hit up some of my budget friendly stores like Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Target, Burlington Coat Factory and a few more. They both need new swimming suits and cover ups this year, they are so expensive. I think even found one for myself, a big step for me….and a cover up. I haven’t owned a swimming suit since I was in my 20s, so this will be interesting.

My family has been in a budget sequestration for quite some time, it’s a way of life for most of us. I’m grateful for what we have and how I work our budget, it’s a skill and I’m proud of how I spend our money. There’s always room for improvement, and I’m working on those now. Do you have tips to share on how you manage your budget?

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: budget, discount, finances, sales, shopping

The Best Time of Day

April 19, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I am a morning person. My husband gets up around 4:30 and I wake up on my own around 5:15, he’s on his way to the basement to do his daily ritual and I start mine. I do my daily bible reading, mediate and pray. I also spend this time of the day to reflect on the day before and my plans for the day. Then I watch a little news until I go check on the girls to see how their morning is going. My oldest is just about ready to leave, she’s a morning person too and greets me with “good morning mom!” and my baby, I have to almost drag her out of the bed. I used to fuss at her but I refuse to allow that to ruin my morning, so I open the door look at her and she gets up and gets started. I love giving the look to my kids.

I function on a greater level in the morning, I’m refreshed, clear thinking and can get so much work done. House cleaning, writing, meetings and running errands all get done early. When I worked in an office environment, I would walk in refreshed and ready to work in a pleasant frame of mind and sometimes cheerful, speaking to everyone until one of my friends reminded me that not everyone was a morning person. Oops, sorry.

My husband and I have some of the best conversations at 3:30 in the morning. That’s when he has rested and clears his mind. It’s also when he is his most open and has a certain vulnerability that he doesn’t usually let out very often. We woke up a many early mornings after my mother-in-law passed away in 2011. We discuss our plans, dreams and goals. Then he turns on the TV and we watch whatever is on MSNBC. I usually fall back asleep by then if we stop talking.

With morning being my favorite time of day means that by 8:00-9:00pm it’s a struggle to stay up, except for Thursday nights. I will not miss Scandal, but I do record it just in case I can’t stay awake to watch it. I try to watch the evening news, spend some time with my girls and then it’s usually lights and TV off by 10:00. It’s important I sleep well at night, women should get plenty of rest.

It’s really been a hard week for our country and I’m praying for peace, our safety and love. What is the best time of day for you?

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