Marriage - cafe mocha reflections

Family Holiday Weekend

May 28, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

Happy Tuesday everyone, it was a great weekend in my world, hope you all had a great one too. My husband wanted to take a day road trip to one of his favorite restaurants, Lambert’s Cafe in Sikeston, MO. It’s a two hour drive south of St Louis. It was a beautiful day for a drive, and we were prepared, girls had a movie and their electronic devices, and I had my iPad and my Essence magazine. He did all the driving too, which I was more than happy to let him have the wheel. I do about 90% of the driving in the family so it was time for me to ride, relax and catch up on some reading. We arrived about 2:00 and the place was packed. There were people from Missouri, Tennessee, Indiana and even Kentucky. My husband went to get us a number, they were serving number 106 and our number was 154. They told him it was about a 45 minute wait. It went by quickly, I started taking pictures and preparing in my head what to write about this place. Funny, the first thing my husband said is you need to blog about this, I’m two steps ahead of you dear. In a bloggers mind, everything is a possible post!

Lambert’s is a family owned restaurant with a lot of history, memorabilia and a nice gift shop. My husband was too excited about the stove, I think my aunt had one similar, it was white. The staff wears jeans, white shirts and red suspenders. They throw their dinner rolls to customers, the best hot homemade rolls. Just raise your hand and be ready to catch. We all caught our rolls, one was overthrown and the whole restaurant lets out a “awwww” when you miss your roll! The food was good, everyone enjoyed their meal. I had the meatloaf, I wasn’t that impressed with it. I make a pretty good meatloaf, so you gotta make it better than mine. The shrimp dinner was delicious, that’s what my oldest daughter had, my husband had a chicken gizzards dinner and the youngest had a very big cheeseburger. The servers walk around and serve you unlimited side dishes in addition to your meal, black eye peas, fried potatoes, cucumber & onion salad to name a few and the endless mouth-watering dinner rolls. This is NOT the restaurant to go to if you are trying to lose weight. Even the salad is served in a big bread bowl, huge and you will leave with a to go container.

The prices were moderate, the average about $12-13 per meal. More for steak and the shrimp was $15, but she got plenty. We left with a dozen dinner rolls, a very sweet cinnamon roll and to go containers. We stopped at the outlet mall and did a little shopping. I stayed awake on the way back, ok I dozed off at the end. I think we all went to bed by 8:00 Friday night.

The rest of the weekend was shopping, working and church. My husband became the grill master yesterday and I was his humble assistant. He get so into grilling, pretty intense. I stay out of the way and try to keep the kitchen clean. I can’t stand things to be all over the place in my kitchen, drives me crazy. It’s my job to season the meat, fix the side dishes and clean the kitchen. Here’s the hubby doing his thang.

He cooked enough food to eat off all week, but that will only last for two days. They will consume most of it and it’ll be time to cook in a few days. Time for salads, fruit, eating light and plenty of fruit. Can’t wait to buy our first watermelon. How was your weekend?

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: eating, family, grilling, history, holiday, memorial day, trip

A Challenge of Love and Marriage

May 20, 2013 by Whitney 32 Comments

Hey everyone, happy Monday. Today I’m gonna share with everyone that you don’t always need to spend a lot of money to have fun. This past Friday was my 1st wedding anniversary. My husband took the day off so we could hang out and spend the day together. The finances were very low because the week before it was Mother’s Day and we just didn’t have it. We decided to take advantage of some good old fashion sight seeing. I was excited, because I still haven’t seen everything here in St Louis and I’ve been here almost 3 years.

I mentioned Friday at The Cafe about how we went down to Laclede’s Landing and the Gateway Arch, didn’t cost us a thing other than parking which was $1.00. This location is downtown and we were on the Mississippi River, so we walked and enjoyed the scenery. It was the first time in a long time there were no expectations, stress or disagreements about anything. No distractions such as bills, jobs or other people and their problems. I had also mentioned that we went to lunch afterward, so let me be more specific about where we ate. It may have sounded like we went to a restaurant, when actually we went to White Castle. I don’t eat there much and he LOVES that place. We drove through the city, picked up our food and went home to watch a movie. Sleep hit us both before we actually put the movie in and the girls were home from school then.

We spent a total of $14 for lunch and parking. We laughed, talked and I remembered why I married him. I asked a lady if she would take our picture and that’s the memory we made. I made a promise that when things get rough to remember why we are together, and not to give up. Money comes and goes, situations causes finances to change, but we are in this together.

I started this 30 Day Marriage Challenge just to see if I could do everything on the list. Actually, it’s not anything on the list that isn’t hard, but certain things that I have neglected as a wife. I’m joining Joi at Rx Fitness Lady on her 7 day blog challenge, I may not do all 7 days, but I will participate as much as I can. The button is on my sidebar on the right, please join us and have some fun. Today is about solving a problem. My problem solving topics is how to have fun on a limited budget and my 30 day marriage challenge. Sometimes in life, it’s all about simplicity, we make things so hard. Have fun, enjoy one another and respect your marriage and/or relationships. Have a good day everyone!

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via imom.com on Pinterest

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: 30 day marriage challenge, family, finances, love, marriage

Budget Sequestration Hits Home

April 22, 2013 by Whitney 12 Comments

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ok I’m gonna be a little self indulgent this morning because I’m in shock. I’m an avid news watcher, I keep up on what’s going on in our country and the world. When I’m behind, my husband keeps me informed. The budget sequestration that the US Government has set up is about to affect us all in one way or another. As you all know, my husband is retired military and we go the Scott Air Force Base probably twice a month to grocery shop. You can’t beat the prices especially on meat. It’s about a 30 minute drive, that’s why I only go twice a month. Every quarter they have a Case Lot Sale, where they offer huge savings on bulk items and other things, mostly bulk. I called to find out when the next Case Lot Sale and I was informed that because of sequestration, it’s cancelled until next May. The woman on the phone said they would have “sidewalk sales” but couldn’t give me any dates.

To say that I was disappointed was an understatement. We like to stock up on certain things and the Case Lot sale allows us to do that. I know there’s Sam’s Club and Costco, but when you shop at the commissary we don’t pay sales tax, and when you are spending $100-200, that’s a nice savings. Besides, when we go to Sam’s Club or Costco, we always spend a lot of money on things we don’t need. Don’t let us go out there hungry, we taste all the food they are cooking and end up buying the food. They do that on purpose, marketing is everything in those stores. We don’t have those distractions with the Case Lot sales, they are outside in the parking lot, and no one cooking and trying to sell you food you don’t need. Gotta sit down and figure out a new strategy.

It’s really new, but the new budget is working so far. We’ll see, summer is coming and the girls need a few new pieces. I’ll just hit up some of my budget friendly stores like Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Target, Burlington Coat Factory and a few more. They both need new swimming suits and cover ups this year, they are so expensive. I think even found one for myself, a big step for me….and a cover up. I haven’t owned a swimming suit since I was in my 20s, so this will be interesting.

My family has been in a budget sequestration for quite some time, it’s a way of life for most of us. I’m grateful for what we have and how I work our budget, it’s a skill and I’m proud of how I spend our money. There’s always room for improvement, and I’m working on those now. Do you have tips to share on how you manage your budget?

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: budget, discount, finances, sales, shopping

Do Women Have Control Issues?

April 9, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it, I have a control problem. It may be mixed with a little OCD, but it’s mostly control. I’m working on it more and more because having to be in control of everything puts so much unnecessary pressure on us as women. We have enough to do, husband, children, work/career and about 1,000 other things. What made all of this come to mind, I was watching one of those wedding dress shows, you know where mom is watching as the daughter tries on about 3-4 different dresses and mom, family or friend doesn’t like any of them. One particular show I was watching and the mother was so determined to have her daughter wear what she wanted instead of allowing the bride to be pick her own wedding dress. The woman was just about in tears because she didn’t like the dress mom was insisting on. Let’s not add when grandma and mom is sitting there with stern faces.

I get it, I know it’s natural to control our lives. If you are raising children, we have control over their lives until they are adults and then they will let you know you no longer have that job. I have to stop myself almost everyday when it comes to my family, especially the girls. Every morning, I have to see what they are wearing to school and yes I have the final say. Most of the time, ~~95%~~ 85% ok 75% I don’t say anything, I try to let them wear whatever they want. I’m trying to teach them how to dress like young women and ironing is necessary. I don’t try to hurt their feelings, I remember how that felt, but what I’m doing is trying to get them to develop good habits on style, looking nice, neat and how people see them. I don’t even try to control to my husband, he’s not having it anyway. My mother was in control of everything, and we rarely questioned her. If we didn’t like something, we went to our own house where we were in charge.

One thing, I have to know where the money is going, I honestly don’t know if I can give that up. My husband and I have an agreement that if it cost over $200 we are suppose to bring it to each other before making the purchase. It works, because most of the time, it’s something major. It all came about when he brought home a DeWalt drill set that he purchased at Home Depot. He walked in the house and immediately started asking me if I was mad at him. My words were, what did you buy? I didn’t object, because that same day I bought my Keurig, but it was under $200. This was two years ago and it works for us and helps me with my control thing. I cringe when he goes to Home Depot, Lowes or Sam’s Club it takes everything I have not to call him to see what he’s buying. I try to go with him because he won’t purchase much when we are together.

Some women are great organizers because of our ability to control or however you want to describe it. I’m relinquishing control of things I can’t change or do anything about. I have enough going on right now and after I try to control the situation or worry about it, I have no control on the outcome, so why do that to myself. Those of us that have to control need to release unnecessary stress, it will make you sick. What about you all, do you have control issues and how do you handle it?

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Filed Under: Family, Health & Wellness, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: children, control, finances, marriage, stress

Your Marriage Your Business

March 26, 2013 by Whitney 16 Comments

A few weeks ago, I was watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta (yes I watch it) and they were talking about Porsha Stewart and her somewhat controlling husband, Kordell Stewart. Although he is controlling, that is their marriage and I am a true believer that you must establish parameters around your marriage when it comes to your girlfriends or associates. You have to, or you will have “friends” like the ones on the reality show telling you that you shouldn’t listen to your husband. I’ll be the first to tell you that my two failed marriages were not just their fault, but I contributed to the ending of the marriage as well.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was to keep your marriage, finances, how often you have sex and how good/bad it is to yourself. I know you want to discuss your excitement about certain things, announcing your pregnancy, receiving a gift, buying a house, things like that. Let’s just keep the personal things between you and your spouse. I get frustrated with certain things in life and will call a girlfriend and vent, but we just don’t go into personal things, it isn’t necessary to have a good talk with your girl. I’m not talking about abuse, if you are experiencing abuse, go here for help please.

I even had to learn that I couldn’t tell my mother my business. Bless her heart, everyone in the family would know what was going on. That was my fault and after an incident where I told her we had come into a little money, she told my nephew that he needed to ask me for a loan for his tuition. I talked to my husband and we did loan my nephew some money and he paid us back. I called my momma, scared at first but I had to ask her why she told my business. She said she didn’t tell him I had the money, just that he should ask me to see what I said. Had to stop from that point with that, I would still ask for advice, just couldn’t tell her my business.

You know I’m not saying to get rid of your friends, not at all. Sometimes, a conversation with your friend is what you need to get you going when you are upset or just need to talk. There are plenty of things you can discuss with your friend besides the intimate of business details of your marriage. Yes marriage is a business, run by you and your spouse. We are Wesley Enterprises, I’m not gonna let Girlfriend LLC come in and tell me what she would do if she were married, or what she wouldn’t put up with. I can vividly remember in the 80s, a co-worker that I had become friends with used to always tell me that she wouldn’t put up if she were in my marriage. Of course, I was giving all details, he don’t do this or that, he’s not working like he should and the list goes on. I would go home, confront my husband and of course we would have the biggest argument. Here’s the kicker…when she met “the one” the same thing she used to tell me that she wouldn’t do, she was doing it herself! When confronted, she had the audacity to tell me this was different. Oh yeah?? I will never forget it, and discussed this with my ex-husband and that’s how you establish life lessons. She never did marry the guy, he told her she had too many issues. Go figure.

Take it from Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul when she says “I don’t want nobody, always sitting around me and my man”. I’m old school about mine. Keep your friends in their lane and they will respect you and your marriage. That’s the best advice I could give in this situation….there are so many other things that make a good marriage, again it’s your business.

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage Tagged With: friends, love, marriage, respect

Spring Cleaning Time!

March 25, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

Now that it’s officially spring, time to do a little cleaning. That also includes your closet and anything else that you are holding on to that you need to let go of. Some of the clothes you are holding on to are for two reasons, to lose the weight, or come back in style. I know, I have those same outfits in my closet. You are probably reading this thinking, I’m not about to get rid of this suit, I paid $350 and it’s a designer suit. When I bought it 20 years ago, I promised myself the I would never get rid of it, even though I haven’t worn it in 10 years. This woman is crazy.

I am very guilty of this myself. This thing menopause keeps 20 30 extra pounds on me just because and I can’t wear everything in my closet. I am not giving up on losing the extra weight, but I know it’s time to purge and donate some of my clothing. When I lose the weight, I’ll get a few new things. I did this last year when we moved, but I still have things I kept because I just couldn’t let go. I’m turning into my mother, love you momma but I am. She kept clothes forever. When she passed away in 2003, I was the one who went through her closet since I was the surviving daughter. My mother had clothes in her closet from 1970, seriously. She was very particular and had everything stored properly and neatly. I almost felt guilty giving most of it away, no one wanted it and I was taller and heavier than my mom. I did however keep her designer handbags and carry them to this day. Love the vintage feel when I carry them.

Funny, I don’t have a problem going through my girls’ closet, because children grow and I can’t stand their closet to be cluttered. I give away their clothes every year, but very little in that give-away pile comes from my closet. My closet isn’t cluttered, I just hate giving my clothes away. I’m gonna make that change this year, some of the clothes are getting close to 10 years old and I simply don’t wear them anymore. That also includes shoes. That’s gonna hurt because I love shoes, I might have to rethink the shoes. I’m gonna try to follow this philosophy that if I haven’t worn/used it in 3 years, I’m giving it away to someone that would get use out of the clothing or object.

I may as well do it for the rest of my things, household items is my next project. I moved them twice last year and don’t use half that stuff. Ok, some of it is from my first marriage in 1987. I know, let it go and I will. That will empty about 4 or 5 boxes in my storage area. Wonder what makes us hold on to stuff the way we do? My husband will not throw away boxes, if we’ve purchased something, we still have the box for it. He also has that set of large, I mean huge speakers from when we had the big stereos! He doesn’t even have the stereo any longer but refuses to get rid of the speakers. So between me and my old wedding gifts, his box thing and those speakers, we could clear up a bunch of stuff and have room for that refrigerator that they took apart when we moved in December. Yes, my brand new refrigerator that we can’t use because we are renting now. They had to take it apart to get it in the townhouse. I still get heated when I go down there and look at it all taken apart like a project or something to do.

I have several organizations in my area that I donate to, Goodwill, Vietnam Veterans of America, Salvation Army. We’ll have a big donation coming in the next few weeks and whoever can come pick this stuff up will get it. Do you all donate clothing and other goods to charity? How often do you purge and give away clothing and other items?

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Filed Under: Currently, Lifestyle, Marriage, Menopause Mania

Simple Joys Of Life

February 18, 2013 by Whitney 14 Comments

Hope you all had a good weekend, and this is a holiday for some of you, everyone is home today.

Enjoying the simple joys of life…

Missouri Botanical Gardens ~ St Louis, MO

Do we truly take the time to enjoy the simple things in life? Not as much as we should, I believe. We have work, family, commitments, obligations and anything else. That’s why I look so forward to spring, it’s a renewal of things to me. The smell of the fresh flowers blooming.

While we are in the midst of taking care of business, are we taking out time to smell the coffee, have a little fun? I ask this because it’s been a very long time since I’ve done anything in the area of having fun with women whether they are friends, neighbors or from church. My husband and I haven’t been out since my birthday which was last July. I should be ashamed, but time just hasn’t allowed it. We haven’t been to a movie in so long, I honestly can’t remember. I think it was “For Colored Girls”, that’s been at least 2 years. We’ll rent or buy movies. Time to get out of the house.

I love getting going to the St Louis Zoo, Missouri Botanical Gardens, Creve Coeur Lake and other local places. My daughter wants to go to the Gateway Arch, two things that’s keeping me from going. The crowds and height, it’s way up there and it’s one of the top tourist attractions in St Louis. I’ve been hoping that the school will take them, but that hasn’t happened. I’ve heard stories about how it shakes when you are at the top of the Gateway Arch. Umm, not ready for that, but I do want to go. We went to a festival down there on the 4th of July and that sucker is huge and of course it was a big crowd. I promised her to put that on the list, and she will remind me when I don’t keep my word.

The Gateway Arch ~ St Louis, MO

My kids love to skate, I love to take them. I think we’ll go skating soon and bowling. Now I love to bowl, I grew up bowling in children/teen leagues. My daddy took us and coached us along the way. I had a green bowling ball with my initials on it. My church has a bowling league, I might look into it. Simple and fun.

I’ll be glad when it warms up so my husband and I can to the Central West End, Delmar Loop and walk and enjoy the cafes there. I really like going to both areas, especially the Delmar Loop, it’s closest to us so we frequent it more. Time for concerts in the parks, sitting at the pool while the girls swim and have fun.

So until it warms up, we’ll have to do something to break up the monotonous life and bring some simple joy into our life. Bowling and skating sounds like fun. We get so caught up in work and trust me I’m fine with that because I have goals I’m working on, we just need to get out and have a little fun. I look forward to discovering my city again.

What are some of the simple joys you are missing out on?

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: attractions, family fun, st louis, tourist attraction

When Parents Divorce

February 11, 2013 by Whitney 18 Comments

I hope and pray that none of you will have to go through a divorce. It’s painful, frustrating, sad and can leave you second guessing yourself.

My children haven’t seen their biological father since November 2006. That’s over 6 years and counting. They haven’t spoken to him since Fathers’ Day 2009, over 3-1/2 years. Very sad and inexcusable if you ask me. I’ve wanted to blog about this before but didn’t want to offend anyone, but since this is my blog and platform, I will write about it because I believe and hope that it helps someone else.

It wasn’t a messy divorce, it was a messy and unhappy marriage. My ex-husband was very angry with me for divorcing him and I believe I’m the reason why he has no contact with the girls. When he moved back to California, I offered to continue paying his cell phone bill which was on my plan so my babies could talk to their daddy whenever they wanted. It was on $9.99 at the time, no big deal and it was worth it for them. One day they wanted to call him, so I gave them my cell phone and let them call him. He didn’t answer, they called him for several hours and he never picked up the phone. I dialed it for them the next day a few times and still no answer. That pissed me off, and I disconnected his phone the next day. I’m gonna pay for the line and you not answer? Maybe it was a control thing for him, I really don’t know because he hasn’t said one word to me since we separated in November 2006.

Eventually, he did get another phone and would call them every once and a while, not too often and when I answered the phone he always hung up on me. I would immediately have the girls call him so they could talk to their dad. I never tried to reason with him, it was too frustrating, I just wanted them to have a relationship with him because I knew they wouldn’t see him since he moved back to California and we lived in Missouri. I would always listen in on the conversation because my youngest always had questions when they finished talking. My girls would always tell them what they wanted, Barbie dolls, iPod, toys, toys and toys. He sent a few requests, the first birthday for each of them after he moved, that was it. I had to tell them to quit asking for things, and that’s how I started my hustle to make sure more than ever that they had whatever they needed and most of what they wanted.

I’m not gonna say it was easy, because it wasn’t but I did it without blinking, complaining and eventually without regret. I questioned myself in the beginning, I did. The girls wanted to know why their daddy didn’t love them and why he didn’t call them, and I thought for a brief moment that I made a big mistake. I remembered my ex-husband saying to me before he left that I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of the house and taking care of the girls. I guess that was his way of asking for another try or to break down my self esteem. It did break me down for a month or two, then I had to get myself together for the girls and myself. He told my youngest who was 6 at the time that he was getting back together with his 1st wife and my girlfriends were home wreckers. She didn’t tell me these things until after he left, and I had to try to explain to a 6 year old why he said those things to her.

I did ask my ex-husband if we could go to marriage counseling to try and save our marriage and he turned me down, 100% no. He did try and go to my pastor, but he wasn’t in the office at the time. When I told him I wanted a divorce he was very angry with me. Should I have tried again with counseling? Maybe, but the way he shot me down the first time, I didn’t think he would change his mind. Do I wish he had a relationship with the girls? Of course, but that has died, and it’s up to them to have a relationship with him. When they ask about him which isn’t often, I tell them that he loves them. I can’t answer why he has no contact and it used to really hurt when they asked. I know enough that as they get older they will try to reach out to their dad and have a relationship with them and I support them 100% on that. He has a large family, and I want my girls to know their family and history.

I survived by the grace of God, it wasn’t me. Know he will never leave you or forsake you. Be encouraged and do what’s best for you and your family.

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage Tagged With: children, divorce, family

Saying I Love You

February 2, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

I love you are three words that come out of my mouth several times a day. I am the kind of woman who will say those words to people I truly care about family or friends. I tell my girls that I love them before they leave for school and before the go to bed. I go in their rooms, talk to them for a few minutes and before I leave, I either kiss them or blow them a kiss followed with “I love you”. We have always done this, our ritual since they could talk, and for me, since they were born.

I didn’t hear that word a lot growing up, the love was there just didn’t hear it. I made a promise to myself, I would always tell my family that I loved them.

My husband and I say it to each other several ties a day….even when I don’t want to say it, I tell him…I love you.

I am participating in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo February 2013, and the theme is Love & Sex….this should be interesting, stay tuned!

NaBloPoMo February

Wishing you all love and peace…

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Filed Under: Currently, Family, Inspirational, Marriage Tagged With: blogging, love, nablopomo

Happy Birthday Honey!

December 4, 2012 by Whitney 6 Comments

Today is my husband’s birthday. He is 57 years old and looks wonderful. I cooked a ribeye dinner for him Sunday, while he watched MSNBC and football in the man cave. I bought him a London Fog jacket and a pair of Levi’s, and he loved it. It doesn’t take much to make this man happy, all it takes is the simple things in life. Have a wonderful day love and we’ll celebrate more over the weekend. Hopefully go listen to a little music and have an adult beverage! MUAH!!!