Family - cafe mocha reflections

Vision and Journey

May 23, 2013 by Whitney 2 Comments

I’m a day behind on the mini blog challenge, but I still wanted to present my vision board I made on Picmonkey. I love using Picmonkey, it’s so easy to use. It’s brief, to the point and shows what my vision is, marriage, family, blogging, natural hair, social networking and drinking coffee. Let me know what you all think!

It took me a long time to realize what my vision and purpose was. I would work at everything and try this and that, but something was always missing. I never realized how much pressure I was putting on myself by trying to live up to my last job and salary. It was way to much pressure. My husband lovingly brought that to my attention because I was stressing about not doing my part financially. That was my vision when I was a single mother, and I can’t hold myself hostage to that any longer. I’ve finally let go of the “good job” and be in control of my destiny.

My vision and reality today is working from home, blogging, crafting and being there for my family. It has taken me a while to grasp that and accept it. I’m a woman who has not been open to change, I would resist. One more layer gone, I’m loving it!

What is your vision or purpose? Share please.

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Filed Under: Entrepreneur, Family, Inspirational, Lifestyle Tagged With: blog challenge, journey, lifestyle, purpose, vision

A Challenge of Love and Marriage

May 20, 2013 by Whitney 30 Comments

Hey everyone, happy Monday. Today I’m gonna share with everyone that you don’t always need to spend a lot of money to have fun. This past Friday was my 1st wedding anniversary. My husband took the day off so we could hang out and spend the day together. The finances were very low because the week before it was Mother’s Day and we just didn’t have it. We decided to take advantage of some good old fashion sight seeing. I was excited, because I still haven’t seen everything here in St Louis and I’ve been here almost 3 years.

I mentioned Friday at The Cafe about how we went down to Laclede’s Landing and the Gateway Arch, didn’t cost us a thing other than parking which was $1.00. This location is downtown and we were on the Mississippi River, so we walked and enjoyed the scenery. It was the first time in a long time there were no expectations, stress or disagreements about anything. No distractions such as bills, jobs or other people and their problems. I had also mentioned that we went to lunch afterward, so let me be more specific about where we ate. It may have sounded like we went to a restaurant, when actually we went to White Castle. I don’t eat there much and he LOVES that place. We drove through the city, picked up our food and went home to watch a movie. Sleep hit us both before we actually put the movie in and the girls were home from school then.

We spent a total of $14 for lunch and parking. We laughed, talked and I remembered why I married him. I asked a lady if she would take our picture and that’s the memory we made. I made a promise that when things get rough to remember why we are together, and not to give up. Money comes and goes, situations causes finances to change, but we are in this together.

I started this 30 Day Marriage Challenge just to see if I could do everything on the list. Actually, it’s not anything on the list that isn’t hard, but certain things that I have neglected as a wife. I’m joining Joi at Rx Fitness Lady on her 7 day blog challenge, I may not do all 7 days, but I will participate as much as I can. The button is on my sidebar on the right, please join us and have some fun. Today is about solving a problem. My problem solving topics is how to have fun on a limited budget and my 30 day marriage challenge. Sometimes in life, it’s all about simplicity, we make things so hard. Have fun, enjoy one another and respect your marriage and/or relationships. Have a good day everyone!

Source: Cafe Mocha Reflections via imom.com on Pinterest

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Filed Under: Family, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: 30 day marriage challenge, family, finances, love, marriage

Weekend Memories

May 13, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

Had a great weekend. Saturday the girls and I hung out all day. They wanted to go shopping to buy me something for Mother’s Day. We went to the Air Force Base it was grocery shopping day out there, and they love going. They were having a drawing on some items for Mother’s Day, so I decided to enter. Guess who was the first winner? That’s right me! Here’s what I won…

I love wristlets, I own 4 and to think I won a nice Coach one? Loving it. I was so excited, I wanted to do my happy dance, but my daughter had the nerve to tell me not to embarrass her. I should have broke out, but I was too excited about winning! A free gift, too awesome!

My girls were very giving generous with mom, they spent their allowance to buy me a gift. I told them to just buy one card because greeting cards are so expensive and didn’t want them to spend all their money. This is what they bought me. Too cute, it’s on my desk. My youngest picked this, I just know she did. I appreciate them so much, we had a ball Saturday.

We attended church yesterday, very good service. It was packed of course. I thought about my momma a few times, I did ok until I was sitting in the car by myself. I miss her a lot. We didn’t go out to dinner like I wanted because I had a lot of work to do that needed to be completed by today, so I spent the rest of the day at my desk working. Then I got my gift from my husband.

I’ve never had Shari’s Berries before. They were good, very sweet…very. The girls will probably enjoy a few of them. I could only eat one, they were huge. I had a good weekend, blessed and grateful for the love of my family. How was your Mother’s Day/weekend?

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Filed Under: Currently, Family Tagged With: family, gifts, mother's day

A Mother’s Love

May 9, 2013 by Whitney 4 Comments

I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters. It’s been an experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I didn’t have my first child until I was 33 years old, everyone in the family had given up on the thought of me having any children. Up until then, I was an aunt and had been very comfortable with that position since I was 4 years old. I was a good auntie too, especially when I got older and was able to buy good gifts and help out on an occasion.

In 1996 I had a beautiful daughter, slanted eyes and straight black hair. I just held her and looked at her and would whisper to her, momma’s gonna do everything she can to take care of you. It was bittersweet, because my family wasn’t there for her birth. A few hours after she was born they told me she had jaundice. All I heard was jaundice and brain damage. I lost my mind, I didn’t want to leave my baby at the hospital but I knew she needed the treatment. I was at the hospital with her until they let me bring her home.

Three years later, I discover that I’m gonna have another baby. Surprise, surprise! I was not expecting this because we used birth control, but you know nothing is 100% unless it’s abstinence. My mother was elated, she had told me on several occasions that she didn’t believe in having an only child. I was 37 and felt I was a bit old to be having another child. I had a difficult pregnancy with her, flu, pregnancy high blood pressure. I had to have an amniocentesis and go to the doctor every 3 weeks. It was a struggle but she looked just like her big sister when she was born in 2000, except she was my little chocolate drop.

Now I was a mother of two girls. The house was full of life, toys everywhere and all the duties that come with babies and toddlers. It’s been wonderful being their mother. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to love, mold and show them how to be young ladies. We are entering the phase of teenage years for my youngest and adulthood for my oldest. It’s gonna be hard releasing them into this world, but I know I must do it.

My Mother’s Day gift is to have them here with me beautiful, healthy and very much loved. They want to buy something for me and I’m good with whatever they get. My parents would be so proud of them, I know they are watching over their grand babies.

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Filed Under: Family, Relationships Tagged With: children, love, mother's day, motherhood

One Humbling Experience

May 6, 2013 by Whitney 6 Comments

If you are like me, you are a proud woman, one that works hard for everything in life. No one has ever given me anything, I’ve always been proud of that. When I had my oldest daughter in 1996, her dad wanted me to stay home and take care of her. I really didn’t want to do that for two reasons, we weren’t married yet and I don’t like not having or making my own money. I know, we’ve discussed this before, it’s a control thing. I was working nights at the time and I couldn’t find decent childcare for my baby. I was living in Los Angeles and the only people I knew were my in-laws and the few friends I made. After trying unsuccessfully to find childcare, I decided to stay at home and enjoy my baby and take care of her. I resigned from my job and that meant giving up benefits.

My ex-husband didn’t have benefits, so he couldn’t add our baby to his insurance. I didn’t like not having insurance for her, so he suggested that I go to the state and put her on medicaid. I was 100% reluctant, and my mother would have jumped on a plane and came to California if she knew he suggested that or that I went to apply for the benefit for my baby. I went to the state facility to apply for medicaid for my daughter. Employees that work for the state or government and deal with the public can be some of the most hardened people because this woman talked to me like I was asking for her money. She wanted to know if I owned a car, had any money in the bank, if my child’s father had a car or any money in the bank. She told me if I was not telling the truth, my baby would be denied. She asked me why I wasn’t working and did I want to apply for welfare. Now remember, I was postpartum so I was sitting there about to cry, but I fought it with everything inside me. I was not gonna let that woman get the best of me.

I left with a bunch of paperwork, and I never looked back, not for one second. I started crying the minute I got to the car. Once I got the baby settled in her carseat and put her stroller in the trunk, I sat in the car and thought, if I have to work 3 jobs, I will never ask for assistance from the state of California again or any state. I had a new determination as I drove home. I never told anyone in my family about this and I was told my ex that I wasn’t taking a handout from the state of California. He thought I was being a little unreasonable but that was his opinion and since I wasn’t his wife yet, I had to think about me and my baby.

The next day I devised a plan to move back to the midwest, where I had family and could find someone to take care of my baby while I worked. My ex-husband said he would go with us. It took me a year to get back to the midwest, but I did it and was working with benefits within a month.

Assistance is available to those who truly need it, I can’t judge what’s right and needed for another person. I know for me at the time, it was a humiliating experience and humbled me to the point where I broke down cried and knew I didn’t want to live that way. I never looked back and kept my focus on making sure my children were provided for and had what they needed to survive. It’s what we do as parents, we want to make sure our children are provided for.

We survived that dark time, I just remembered how it made me feel. There will always be times when you are in a position that humbles you or requires you to reevaluate a situation. How you handle it and your outlook is what makes the difference. I love those girls to pieces.

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Filed Under: Family, Inspirational Tagged With: children, family, humble, love

Pink and Sparkly

April 29, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

Wow, spring is here and it’s more beautiful than ever. This season is such a wonderful time of year as gorgeous flowers peak through with their color and scent. As the days become longer and the nights become warmer, my mind is filling with ideas as a pretty major event that is looming on the horizon – the prom! I hope my daughter attends next years Prom, but this years – the dresses are simply too gorgeous to not share! I’ve found some wonderful choices for this year’s big event, and they are all stylish, beautiful, and flattering too! Take a look at some of my choices if my daughter were to attend this year and let me know what you think!

This one, from David’s Bridal, is a high-low dress in pink chiffon with sparkles and beading on the neckline. It’s strapless, so it really shows off the neck and it will be perfect with a sparkling necklace. I love the scalloping on the hem; it’s very delicate. The high front is great for showing off her pretty legs.

Now this one is a gorgeous gown from Adrienne Papell found at Nordstroms, with embellished mesh. I love the look of this dress. The dresses from this line are always very feminine and elegant too. I love the sweeping feel of this gown. It’s a divine choice and I know it would look beautiful on my daughter for the big night, no doubt about it.

Here’s my third choice, and it’s a knockout. This lace prom dress from ASOS has this amazing fitted waist and a skirt that flares out like a tutu. It’s all in black lace with an amazing neckline. I think it’s just right for dancing the night away. This one will look beautiful with black pumps, and maybe some color or sparkling jewelry around the neck. I love the way this dress feels very girlish but sophisticated at the same time.

Reviewing the various options in dresses, I definitely hope that my daughter attends Prom at least once during her high school career; it’s a night in which she will get to feel like a princes, and that is an experience that every young lady deserves to have at least once. I’m sure you’ll agree that all three of these dresses are beautiful, and it’s going to be a difficult choice deciding on the right one. Tell me in the comment section below about what dress-styles you like!

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle Tagged With: daughter, family, pink, prom

Budget Sequestration Hits Home

April 22, 2013 by Whitney 12 Comments

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ok I’m gonna be a little self indulgent this morning because I’m in shock. I’m an avid news watcher, I keep up on what’s going on in our country and the world. When I’m behind, my husband keeps me informed. The budget sequestration that the US Government has set up is about to affect us all in one way or another. As you all know, my husband is retired military and we go the Scott Air Force Base probably twice a month to grocery shop. You can’t beat the prices especially on meat. It’s about a 30 minute drive, that’s why I only go twice a month. Every quarter they have a Case Lot Sale, where they offer huge savings on bulk items and other things, mostly bulk. I called to find out when the next Case Lot Sale and I was informed that because of sequestration, it’s cancelled until next May. The woman on the phone said they would have “sidewalk sales” but couldn’t give me any dates.

To say that I was disappointed was an understatement. We like to stock up on certain things and the Case Lot sale allows us to do that. I know there’s Sam’s Club and Costco, but when you shop at the commissary we don’t pay sales tax, and when you are spending $100-200, that’s a nice savings. Besides, when we go to Sam’s Club or Costco, we always spend a lot of money on things we don’t need. Don’t let us go out there hungry, we taste all the food they are cooking and end up buying the food. They do that on purpose, marketing is everything in those stores. We don’t have those distractions with the Case Lot sales, they are outside in the parking lot, and no one cooking and trying to sell you food you don’t need. Gotta sit down and figure out a new strategy.

It’s really new, but the new budget is working so far. We’ll see, summer is coming and the girls need a few new pieces. I’ll just hit up some of my budget friendly stores like Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, Target, Burlington Coat Factory and a few more. They both need new swimming suits and cover ups this year, they are so expensive. I think even found one for myself, a big step for me….and a cover up. I haven’t owned a swimming suit since I was in my 20s, so this will be interesting.

My family has been in a budget sequestration for quite some time, it’s a way of life for most of us. I’m grateful for what we have and how I work our budget, it’s a skill and I’m proud of how I spend our money. There’s always room for improvement, and I’m working on those now. Do you have tips to share on how you manage your budget?

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Filed Under: Family, Lifestyle, Marriage Tagged With: budget, discount, finances, sales, shopping

What’s Brewing at The Cafe

April 12, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

Happy Friday everyone! Not much going on around here this week, work, plans, goals and dreams. I’m still holding on to the goal of working my Silpada business, but have to be realistic about it. I saw a segment on the Today show this week where working moms were interviewed and the question came up about having or going to parties for their friends who have direct sales businesses. One woman stated that she didn’t attend because it was annoying and they have the parties in the middle of the week. I do think that’s why I haven’t been able to schedule a party. I won’t give up, but it does have to go on the back burner until I make some money. I am getting more hours as a independent contractor doing customer service work. I need to help with the finances around here, got some goals and I’m gonna do some changes so we can move forward with buying another home.

Renting is turning out to be a disaster, this place has more problems and the staff is clueless. The area we live in has a great school district and we will stay until my oldest daughter graduates next year. We have a budget and try to follow it, but I admit it’s a challenge. Owning a home has so many benefits, plus it’s ours. I can’t wait until we are in the position to purchase our first home together. We are dedicated to making this happen and making sure our finances are where we need them to be. Michelle over at Divas With A Purpose has been blogging about Financial Literacy Month and has some great posts about saving and getting your financial life on track. She has some great posts on the subject, but I like this particular one, go check it out on Budgeting Basics 101.

My baby is going on a one day trip to Chicago with her school. She is so excited. I love watching her turn into a teenager, she is my baby. I’m sending her with plenty food and $50 for the Navy Pier. I thought $30 was plenty but the hubs said give her $50. Now I’ll tell her that she doesn’t have to spend it all. She will come home with $3 and say see I didn’t spend it all, and be excited about it too. They have to be at the school at 2:30am and will be back at 11:00pm tomorrow night. I will have to set my alarm when I lay down or she won’t make it.

I’m also trying to find a summer program for her. Summer school is only three weeks and it’s almost not worth it. There are two sessions at $25 each and one will be her band class. I guess budget concerns has caused the district to cut summer school this year. My oldest would like to find a part time job, and I’m not against that for the summer. My husband is even on board with her working for the summer. I would love for her to work and make her own money, it will be a great experience for her and a chance to see her maturity level.

The tornado that ran through St Louis this week spared lives, except we did have a worker for the electric company that was electrocuted while trying to restore electricity in the area of town that was heavily damaged. Very sad, saying a prayer for his family. This is my third spring in St Louis and every year during tornado season, we get hit hard here. I saw them drag the biggest branch from my neighborhood yesterday, there are tree branches everywhere. It’s cold here today, the weather here in the Midwest is crazy.

Here’s your Scandal tease…..it’s gonna be so good!!! Two more weeks!

I’m taking it easy this weekend. What’s your plans for the weekend? Make it great whatever your plans are…

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Filed Under: Family, Relationships, The Mocha Cafe Tagged With: children, family, finances, home, random thoughts, scandal, school

Do Women Have Control Issues?

April 9, 2013 by Whitney 8 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit it, I have a control problem. It may be mixed with a little OCD, but it’s mostly control. I’m working on it more and more because having to be in control of everything puts so much unnecessary pressure on us as women. We have enough to do, husband, children, work/career and about 1,000 other things. What made all of this come to mind, I was watching one of those wedding dress shows, you know where mom is watching as the daughter tries on about 3-4 different dresses and mom, family or friend doesn’t like any of them. One particular show I was watching and the mother was so determined to have her daughter wear what she wanted instead of allowing the bride to be pick her own wedding dress. The woman was just about in tears because she didn’t like the dress mom was insisting on. Let’s not add when grandma and mom is sitting there with stern faces.

I get it, I know it’s natural to control our lives. If you are raising children, we have control over their lives until they are adults and then they will let you know you no longer have that job. I have to stop myself almost everyday when it comes to my family, especially the girls. Every morning, I have to see what they are wearing to school and yes I have the final say. Most of the time, ~~95%~~ 85% ok 75% I don’t say anything, I try to let them wear whatever they want. I’m trying to teach them how to dress like young women and ironing is necessary. I don’t try to hurt their feelings, I remember how that felt, but what I’m doing is trying to get them to develop good habits on style, looking nice, neat and how people see them. I don’t even try to control to my husband, he’s not having it anyway. My mother was in control of everything, and we rarely questioned her. If we didn’t like something, we went to our own house where we were in charge.

One thing, I have to know where the money is going, I honestly don’t know if I can give that up. My husband and I have an agreement that if it cost over $200 we are suppose to bring it to each other before making the purchase. It works, because most of the time, it’s something major. It all came about when he brought home a DeWalt drill set that he purchased at Home Depot. He walked in the house and immediately started asking me if I was mad at him. My words were, what did you buy? I didn’t object, because that same day I bought my Keurig, but it was under $200. This was two years ago and it works for us and helps me with my control thing. I cringe when he goes to Home Depot, Lowes or Sam’s Club it takes everything I have not to call him to see what he’s buying. I try to go with him because he won’t purchase much when we are together.

Some women are great organizers because of our ability to control or however you want to describe it. I’m relinquishing control of things I can’t change or do anything about. I have enough going on right now and after I try to control the situation or worry about it, I have no control on the outcome, so why do that to myself. Those of us that have to control need to release unnecessary stress, it will make you sick. What about you all, do you have control issues and how do you handle it?

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Filed Under: Family, Health & Wellness, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: children, control, finances, marriage, stress

What’s Brewing at The Cafe

April 5, 2013 by Whitney 10 Comments

I want to start off with saying a big thank you! What a wonderful feeling it is to set a goal and achieve it! We met our goal of $100! It was amazing the love and support my daughter has received during our fundraiser for Autism Speaks! I am overjoyed and humbled by the support. My daughter was so excited. She understands her disability or difficulty with social interaction and communication but that doesn’t stop her. This may have me making some changes regarding my Divatude Challenge.

Scandal….I’m gonna start a support group because ABC keeps giving us 3 to 4 weeks and then takes it off for 3 weeks. I could hear everyone in Twitter world gasp when they showed the scenes of the next episode and the dreadful words in 3 weeks. Our hearts can’t take that, stop it ABC. It was so good though, Jake was like “WTH” when he saw Fitz ~~hugging~~ falling on Liv. Ok, sorry only #Gladiators will understand that. I guess I’ll have to find something else to do for the next couple of Thursday evenings, probably work. Making money is a good trade off.

I would like to announce that I will be accepting requests for guest bloggers. You don’t have to be over 40, just have something that you would think all women would benefit from. It could be fashion and beauty, health, family, relationships. I do ask that it’s positive and no profanity. My goal is to feature guest bloggers twice a month, more depending on the responses I get. Please email me your request at agapevirtualenterprises@gmail.com. I’m also using Bloglovin to follow my favorite blogs now. You can follow my blog by clicking on the link I provided.

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Spring is finally here! It will be in the 60s and 70s this weekend. Curly Nikki will be here this weekend and I will be there. I hope I can get a chance to meet her and take a few pictures to share with you all. Gotta find something cute to wear and a great comfortable pair of flats. I don’t wear heels to an event where I will be doing a lot of standing or walking. I know my limits. Hope you all are enjoying spring in your city or town.