Currently

March 29, 2012 by 5 Comments

 

Currently, I am going through a transformation…

I will work on my vision…

I will heal the pain from my past; feel, deal & heal…

I will tell the truth, even if it hurts…

I will put myself first because I have to take care of myself before I can help anyone else…

I will stop telling my old story,  I will have a new story to tell…

I will remember that God wants us to live in perfect happiness…

We all have work to do, we want to be happy and live in peace.  I’ve been searching for this peace the last year or so, through prayer and taking a good look at my life.  Iyanla Vanzant is a wonderful motivator and speaker, she told us what we need to do in order to live a blessed life without PAIN – pay, attention, inward, now.   I’ve been a fan of hers for over 20 years, I had a audio cassette of a speaking engagement she did years ago.  I had the opportunity to see her at Oprah’s Lifeclass on Monday here in St. Louis.  I was a sometime fan of Oprah, but her Lifeclass series will have me watching OWN on Monday’s and Saturday’s, I love “Welcome To Sweetie Pie’s”.  She explained her vision of starting her network and what she wanted to achieve with it.  I respect and understand that vision.  I’m so glad I attended and realized we have to cleanse our souls like we cleanse our bodies.  Much love to you all.

 

Whitney

 

 

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Lovely Day

March 27, 2012 by 8 Comments

 

My best friend from high school was in town yesterday.  We went to Oprah’s Lifeclass (more on that in a later post).  She lives in Tulsa, OK and I live in St Louis.  We are from Kansas City, MO.  We haven’t spent time together in probably 23 years when I went to Tulsa to visit her many years ago.  She would come see me when I lived in Kansas City, but we haven’t had a day to have fun in a long time.  I miss her, and remember why we are such good friends.  She is my sister, I had the stronger personality, louder and bolder.  She is outspoken, she did it in a gentler, less vocal way than me.  I think that’s what I loved about her.  We met in the 10th grade, and immediately became friends.  I remember when her mom came to my house to meet my parents, so we could really hang out and go places together and really be good friends.   It was six of us who used to hang out together, but she and I were the closest.  We have been through so much together, I was her maid of honor at her wedding, she was mine, been through death of our parents and the challenges we’ve both had in our adult lives.  We have both shared secrets that we are taking to the grave, and we celebrate life and the love of God together.

We went to the mall, shopped, laughed and talked, took pictures together like teen aged  girls holding the cell phone up and cheesing for the camera and even asked strangers to take pictures of us.  We went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch and didn’t even eat cheesecake!   I regret that now of course, because it’s back to the grind.  The cheesecake is rich and I was too full to eat anything else.  I know, should have gotten that to go.  We talked about our mid-life journey, keeping our youthful looks, but not looking like we are 20 or 70.  Shopping at our age can be a challenge, because a lot of the clothing is made for younger women.  I absolutely LOVE Nordstrom Rack, we had a ball there.  I discovered she loves 4-5 inch heeled shoes, while I was looking wedges and cute flats.  I was disappointed at Macy’s, but can always find a bargain.  The Plus Size department in Macy’s had clothing made for women more conservative than I am.  My bestie agreed too.  We are both beautiful plus sized, fashion forward women and neither one of us ever have a problem finding beautiful clothes.  

I just spoke with my friend this morning before they hit the road back to Tulsa.  We made a promise to see more of each other and that means me going to Tulsa to see her.  It’s not something we can do every month because of our busy lives, but we will plan trips to visit one another.  Thank you Veronica for the wonderful day and for remembering that we must take time for each other, and nurture our relationships as well.  I love you dearly.

 

Whitney or as you affectionally know me….Mick

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Spring Break

March 23, 2012 by Leave a Comment

My girls were on spring break this week.  They are truly on vacation, and think that means vacation from everything,  chores included!   My younger daughter had the nerve to tell me she was on vacation and can’t she just rest.  Really now??   Excuse me….I am not your maid.  I’m the CEO, chauffeur, cook, and so much more, but not the maid.  It’s gonna be a long week for them. My girls are 16 and 11, and love to spend money.   I don’t mind giving them what they want within reason, but they will have to spend a little time spring cleaning this week.  Basically that means I want them to clean their room, under the bed, behind the dresser, etc.  That’s all, just a good cleaning and then it’s back to business as usual.   It will only take a few hours if they would just do it.  I’m not gonna nag, fuss or yell either.  I will simply keep my money and spend it on something or someone, me.   They are good girls, make the grades, follow the rules and don’t get in trouble much at home.  

We usually do something fun when they are on spring break, and this year will be the same.  We’ll probably do a tourist thing, we all like the zoo or Botanical Garden.  The weather here in the midwest is nice, so we must get out and do that.  We’ll probably go see a movie and if they have done their spring cleaning, we’ll hit the mall.  I’m sticking to this one, I promise!  Ok so the youngest one NEEDS new sneakers.  You should see the ones she’s wearing now.  Too embarrassed to talk about it.  She’ll get those because of need, the rest will be on chores this week.

They have had a pretty good week, got their spring cleaning done.  So that means we are off to the mall today to do a little shopping.  We are also going to Hammers Food & Fun for a late birthday celebration for my oldest daughter.  I love it, they can run around have a ball, while we chill and watch them.   Have a wonderful weekend!

 

Whitney

 

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Justice For Trayvon Martin

March 21, 2012 by Leave a Comment

As many of you, I was sadden by the death of Trayvon Martin, as well as many other youths that have died due to senseless violence.  This has hit a place in my heart that will not go away, my spirit has truly been affected by his death.   I’ve been keeping up with the different reports on the TV, Social Media and the Internet.  Everyday, more evidence comes out that let’s us all know that George Zimmerman has lied about Trayvon attacking him and shooting him in self defense.  The police department has also withheld evidence and didn’t notify the family of Trayvon’s death.  Instead of notifying the family, they were testing Trayvon for drugs and alcohol.   Tracy Martin dad called the police to inquire about his missing son.  They went to his home, asked him to identify himself, asked several questions and that’s when he found out his son was dead.  It’s my opinion that the mayor, police chief and those that worked on this case need to resign or be fired pending investigations.  

I have signed a petition and asking you all to sign the petition for criminal justice in this case to have George Zimmerman prosecuted.   Just click the button to your right of the picture of Trayvon and sign the petition.   I have made both of my children Google Trayvon Martin’s name and read about his death so we can have a family discussion about this.  I have protected my girls and normally don’t mention much to them about violence in the news.   We have decided to sit them down and discuss this child’s senseless death and teach them more about safety and how to protect themselves in this world.  We have talked to the girls of course, but just feel we need to have a discussion with them again.

My prayers go out to his parents, Tracy Martin and Sabrina Fulton and their family.  I just saw an interview on Rev. Al Sharpton’s Politics Nation and both of them said they will fight for justice for their son until the day they die.   Let’s pray that justice will be served for Trayvon Martin.   Please..

 

Whitney

 

 

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Commitment and Love….

March 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

How many times have you been in “love”?  That’s a loaded question for some of us, others can answer it quickly.  Some of us don’t have enough fingers to count, or admit that we’ve “loved” that many times.  I started thinking about this after reading a wonderful story by this woman on the natural hair community, Natural Sunshine.  She wrote about being in love with the image she saw and what that represented to her.  They fell hard, and the bottom fell out of the relationship.  You know how the story ends.  It was written with a certain poetic feeling, or that’s the way l read it, because all the responses were the same….that’s my story.

Lord knows I can’t be judgmental about anyone’s relationship.  I’m the woman that’s wants to be in love, you know my kind.  I wanted affirmation, affection, emotion.  I thought that was the way we were supposed to be loved…yeah I know, my head was way in the clouds.  I also know what’s said in the religious community about being “equally yoked”, praying for that husband and waiting.  We’ll pray for the husband, but our desire to have a mate is stronger than our faith in God.  In other words, the flesh wins again.  

One thing I know is as we get older, our definition of love and commitment gets tweaked a little.  Although I still desire the emotion of love, I know as many of you do that there is more to that verb LOVE.  It’s all about action, communication, honesty, maturity, respect.  My man is my love, friend, business partner, co-parent.  At times we can’t stand each other, disagree, debate, talk loud and don’t talk.  There are many days we have to agree to disagree, because that’s just the way it is.  Just being honest.  One thing we have is respect for one another, and know when to let a certain situation go or bring it up after every one has rested.

We are committed to each other, our future and the plans we have dreamed about and working towards.  We dream of the girls becoming young women, living their lives.   I am committed to this relationship because I want to be.  Do I love the Mr?  You bet I do, but not just with my heart.  I love and appreciate our commitment to one another.  Most of all, I am committed to and love myself, which was missing in previous relationships.

Please enjoy my serious “old school” jam, how many of you remember this?  Gotta love old school R&B!  Be encouraged!

 

Whitney 

 



 

 

 

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Love Yourself

March 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Women are their own worst critics.

My moms is 82 years old and the lil’ tiny, classic old lady.  That church mother, in everybody’s business kinda old lady.  We were talking the other day and she’s like.. “I’m trying to lose these 10 pounds”.  Really?  At 82? Then what?

I told her I thought by her age she’d be content with herself or at least accept how you are and focus on other things in life, like..grand kids, bingo or comfortable shoes. I know that society and the media set women up psychologically to measure themselves by every video vixen, granola bar commercial or swimsuit model out there but do you ever see yourself turning the corner and just saying ‘F’ it, this is me.  This is how God made me. I love me.

I’m not advocating an unhealthy lifestyle and I’m definitely one for refining yourself and improving (via college, home ownership, etc.) but can’t women love themselves for who they are?  How do you expect a man to accept you for who/what you are if you don’t?  How can you truly bond with other women and have a true sisterhood when women hate on each other so much?  Partly because of self-loathing would you not want to see someone else enjoying being themselves. 

Hell, I say if you’re a big girl, get u some big clothes and a comfy car and go on to the spa and pamper yourself!! If you’re skinny with a high booty, get you some long shirts and some flats and get on out to the Anthony Hamilton concert and enjoy yourself!!  All I’m saying is don’t focus on the world and trying to find your place in it.  Focus on you and let the world catch up.  And if they don’t, it’s their loss..

V Ray

 

 

V Ray is a modern-day renaissance man, trying to keep a hand in all things creative from music to writing, art to video production.  He’s been performing and touring since he was  about 14 years old and has shared the stage with a number of artists, unknown to legendary.  He absolutely LOVES kids and if he wasn’t totally smitten with creative ‘everything’ he would love to have a school for pre-K to elementary school-aged kids. He has been married almost 25 years and has one son.


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Hair Mayhem

March 14, 2012 by 2 Comments

I took my braids down the other day, it was time.  I got my last relaxer on October 20, 2011.  I’ve been going strong, being patient and allowing my relaxer to grow out.  Transitioning is a long process and some women give in and others stick to it.  Well, back to the story….after taking down the braids, I shampoo, condition and started to comb out my hair. It was very tangled and I knew I would lose some hair during the comb out process, it had been braided for a month.  Here’s where it gets “hairy”, sorry couldn’t help it.  While combing, I pulled out 95% of the middle section!  I panicked and out of frustration cut it all off, I’m talking went Angela Bassett from “Waiting to Exhale” where she grabbed the scissors and started cutting, until all the relaxed hair was gone.  

When the fog cleared and my panic attack was over, I had cut all my hair off.  I gotta tell ya, I didn’t like what I was looking at.  I was an emotional, exhausted mess.  I tried to tell the Mr. and trust me he wasn’t supportive.  That’s ok.  I picked up my pride and went to my room and put a scarf on it to keep the funny looks and disappointing comments from my family.  I had to wait until Tuesday to go see the barber who was very supportive and hooked me up with a nice style to fit my face and shape of my head.  Thank you Jeff, of Mister Jeff’s in University City (St Louis) for taking care of me!  Love the way it looks and when I add the moisturizer and oils, my little coils pop right up!  It’s amazing!  

I got through this knee jerk reaction, but gotta be careful about that because it can cost me.  Could be emotional, financial or physical…who knows.  Whew, gotta hold on, that was a menopause moment!  Keep ya head up ladies!

Whitney

 



 

 

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Living My Golden Life

March 12, 2012 by 1 Comment

 I often look back at my life and wonder how did this happen?  None of us have the same story, where we are from, how we were raised, where we went to school, who our friends are, who we married, if we married, what we do for a living.

I believe that we all have a wonderful story, one full of life, love, successes, failures and everything in between that.  I’m not ashamed of my life, not at all.  I’ve had some regrets.  I’ve married and divorced twice.  I have two beautiful children from my second marriage.  I have learned great life lessons from those relationships, and had to allow myself to love again so I could be a wonderful mother to my girls.  I do not beat myself up about the decisions I’ve made with my life.  I’ve learned the hard way to pray about every situation and let it go.   I’m a work in progress, but I believe in the power of prayer.

Since I’ve semi-retired, changed jobs or whatever we call it, I’ve had time to reflect on living my life to the fullest.  I worked for AT&T for over 11 years, it paid a good salary, allowed my kids and I to live in our home, and have a great life.  I didn’t think I would ever leave other than being forced out.  I was my own enemy when I worked there, I’m not gonna completely blame the company, because in the end, they have the final say.  I’ll admit that I stayed because of what is expected and because of my responsibility to my family.  If it wasn’t for my try at love again,  I would still be working at AT&T.

 I’ve had the opportunity to take a break, reflect on my life and explore my options.  I like being self-employed, making my own hours and being responsible for my future.  I no longer apologize for who I am, what I look like, what I do or how I raise my children.  I’m living my life, my way.   Living my life includes loving my music, wearing my hair natural, being casual, relaxed and writing and developing my blog.  To be honest with you, it’s a form of therapy for me.  I share with you because I know that at some point you have the same thoughts and issues that I have.  We may not all have the same issues,  but we have them.  

Do you live your life the way you want to?  It’s so free, try it…..

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

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12 Things We Must Do For Ourselves

March 7, 2012 by 3 Comments

Women have a strength about themselves that can boggle the mind. Take the lyrics from the song by Chaka Khan, “I’m every woman, it’s all in me”.  We think we can handle it all, and we get the job done.   But at what price, our health and mental well being?  Here’s the thing…sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. That’s always on my mind, ways to encourage you as well as myself about taking care of our mind, body and soul.  I’m always reading articles, watching interviews on TV about women and how they are unhappy, stressed, worn out and feeling worthless because they have not been in the habit of taking care of themselves, including our health. We’ve got to change this. 

I work from home and I still need to take time for myself.  I have a schedule that I follow for work, do work around the house, run errands and write for my blog.  Then it’s time for everyone to come home, eat dinner, homework and make sure everyone is ready for the next day.  Notice I didn’t say I cook every night.  I cook several days a week, and I cook enough to last at least two days.  I try to take time for my favorite craft, making jewelry.  At the end of my day, I’m exhausted and ready for bed. I try to stay up until 10:00 to spend time with my children, it’s hard but I do it. They understand most of the time that I’m tired.  I know that I’m setting a good example for them by taking care of myself.  At times I close the door to my bedroom so I can concentrate without being disturbed.  These are just a few of the things I do to take care of myself.  Here are a few others I came up with.  If you have more, please share. 

1. Learn how to say no…say it with me “N-O!”

2. Get at least 6 hours of sleep. Take short naps during the day if your schedule allows.

3. Laugh at yourself and others. Lighten up ladies, I’m guilty of this myself at times.

4. Call or go visit an old friend or someone that you haven’t had any contact with in quite a while. I don’t mean Facebook, Twitter or text message either.

5. Get all of your yearly checkups, mammogram, pap smear, flu shot (if you do that), dentist.

6. Do something by yourself, go see a movie, visit the zoo, museum, shopping (some women don’t like to do anything by themselves).

7. Love people, but keep contact with negative people to a minimum. They are dream killers and bring stress to your life.

8.  Take time for the love of your life.  It’s so easy to get into the hustle of everyday life and forget what made you love that special person in the first place.

9. Exercise ladies…a struggle for me too! Walking is always our best friend if you are able to do it.

10. Eat healthy meals, another struggle with this menopause thing. I do try hard to maintain my weight. It’s always gonna be work for me. Don’t feel alone on this one. Remember we are middle aged women and we can’t do everything we see or read about. Always consult with your doctor on items 9 and 10.

11.  Volunteer at a women’s shelter, it’s a eye opening experience.  I plan to do more of this one.  Women have amazing stories and we can encourage each other.

12. Spend time with God on a daily basis. It helps to keep you focused and will help with dealing with issues 1-11!

Be encouraged and remember to love yourself!

 

Whitney

 

 

 

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Love Inspiration

March 1, 2012 by 1 Comment

Last night my 16 year old daughter performed at her high school’s African American Culture Showcase.  She worked the crowd from the beginning, and we were singing and  enjoying her performance.  She received a standing ovation, it was amazing!  She loves to perform, singing and acting….did I mention singing?  Last week she was in the musical at the high school.  I’m very proud of my daughter, she’s doing what she loves and enjoying her life. 

My daughter has the best optimistic, positive outlook on life, she just loves it and she truly loves the people that are special to her.  She auditioned for the school play last year and this past fall and didn’t make it.  She was very disappointed,  but after she came home and we discussed it, she was just fine. When it was time to audition for the musical I didn’t want her to audition because I just knew she wouldn’t make it and wanted to spare her feelings of disappointment, but I allowed her to audition for the musical and she made the cast!  She went to every rehearsal, practiced the dance routines and worked hard.  She did a great job at the musical.  

 I say all this because my daughter is autistic.  She was diagnosed when she was 4 years old, with Aspergers Syndrome.  Here’s Wikipedia’s definition of autism:

Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. These signs all begin before a child is three years old.[2] Autism affects information processing in the brain by altering how nerve cells and their synapses connect and organize; how this occurs is not well understood.[3] It is one of three recognized disorders in the autism spectrum (ASDs), the other two being Asperger syndrome, which lacks delays in cognitive development and language, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (commonly abbreviated as PDD-NOS), which is diagnosed when the full set of criteria for autism or Asperger syndrome are not met.[4]

I have been very protective of my daughter, always feeling I need to explain to people and strangers we interact with that she is autistic.  I guess I do this because people are cruel and I want to stop any rude remarks or looks when people interact with her.  She wants to interact with people all the time, but her communication skills make it difficult for people to understand her at times.  My baby doesn’t let that stop her, and trust me she knows when people are being mean to her.  She keeps it moving, and will leave people alone when they are not nice.   I had to really get her to understand that one.  The pressures that teenagers have are very stressful for them, with the recent reports of girls putting videos on YouTube asking strangers if they are pretty, drugs and grades to name a few.  Knowing those pressures, I am very proud of my daughter for being positive and having the attitude she has about life.

I’ve been in a real funk the last couple of weeks, secretly wondering why this and that isn’t working or going the way “I” want it to go.  Just this morning, I wanted to snap at the woman that parked in “my” parking space in front on my townhouse this morning.   I really wanted to say something to her.  They were going next door to do work on the vacant townhouse to prepare it for rental.  How did this woman know she parked in my space?  I know that this is a part of menopause and just life in general, that’s why I haven’t been complaining to anyone, just working it out and praying about my situation.  But let me tell ya, it hasn’t been easy, wanting to scream and shout to ease the tension.  On top of that, I have a cold I’ve been nursing this week.  My child has shown me that we need to keep our head up and remember that no matter what the situation, we should look at things positively, all the time.  God has a way of showing and giving you the answers you need.  

I was talking to a dear friend this morning who turned 50 today.  We were celebrating and chatting and talking about how blessed we are.  I told her about the performance and she knows what I’ve been through the last 16 years and celebrates my daughter with me.

We have challenges as a family, but she is a vital part of our family, and I love both of my children dearly.  She is my encouragement, my blessing from God, my oldest child.   The cloud that I put over my head has just cleared and the sun is shining.  Look around you for encouragement if you feel you don’t have any, everything isn’t as bad as “we” think they are.  Thank you sweetie for being an encouragement to your momma, I love you.   Enjoy the performance!


 

 

 

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